Finally a call back...

and let me tell you not a minute too soon. So last night I had what my husband calls a mini meltdown. After testing for ovulation once again last night and once again finding no sign, I just simply broke down. Not sure exactly what put me over the edge but I've been crying more in my car on the way to work and from, which is what happened a lot after the miscarriage. I think it was just a combination of my cycles slowly dwindling down to nothing (well slightly exaggerating here but I'm sure that's whats on the way), the doctor not getting back to me, not getting a positive ovulation sign and (the big elephant in the room) the fact that December, my original due date month, is literally right around the corner, has made the stress unbearable. All along my initial plan to get pregnant right away and be pregnant at the time of my original due date, so that mentally I have something to look forward to, just has not worked out thus far, and the possibility of reaching that date and not having any clue as to when or if I will be pregnant anytime soon just really gets depressing. Of course trying to explain this to my husband is like trying to explain the greatness of a perfectly cooked burger to a vegan sometimes. So alas I went for the good ol' breakdown and just started bawling.

I have to say my husband is just not too keen on what to say in these situations but he tried hard. We decided that I would look into acupuncture not only to help my lack of progress but as my husband says at least to give me the feeling that I'm doing something to help the problem.

So today I was going to look into that but it was a day from hell at work unfortunately ... but then the long awaited call came from my doctor at the end of the day. And her re-assuring voice cleared up all the anxiety from the night before. It was like a serious weight lifted from my heart.

To make a long story short she said that sometimes shorter cycles could mean that I was low on progesterone, which she thought was the original problem with the last pregnancy and told me before that I was to get progesterone the second I get a positive, but apparently I might need it sooner. Then the clincher that just made everything so much brighter was the comment after. She basically warned though that women who use progesterone tend to have a higher tendency towards twins. TWINS???? The chance of just having 1 child 24 hours ago seemed impossible and now she's giving me the option of twins???!!!! I'LL TAKE IT! I have to admit here that ever since I was a small child my dream was to have twins...girl twins specifically but twins none the less. I have to say that although reality has set in and the knowledge of how much work and money twins actually need, the dream is certainly still there.

So although of course there is no guarantee that I'll have twins or that I'll even get pregnant but I really feel just by talking to her on that call for a few brief seconds that my situation seemed to matter to her and that just like usually she had a plan and was in control, especially with a situation that I have felt so out of control with.

So 11/21 I'm supposed to go in to take the blood test to see what my progesterone levels are. Let's see where this takes us! Crossing everything!