22 Weeks and counting...

Happy 22 weeks my little sushi nuggets...

Hope all is well in there (fingers crossed).


So this coming friday is my next ob appt. I can't believe it's been a month. Time has gone by so slowly. I've been feeling definitely more movement (at least on some days) but I'm completely baffled by where they are (and hopefully that they are both still hanging in there). Sometimes I feel movements way at the bottom of my stomach area and sometimes closer to the top. So I think, okay they must be in two different areas. But then start worrying and wondering if it's just one moving around a lot. Can they move around from one far end of your stomach to another?Quite honestly I can't imagine what's going on in there.


Nervously I've been feeling far better and more energetic. I know this is normal for the 2nd trimester but seriously I went from needing 10 hours of sleep to only 7.5 or 8. Like this morning I only had 7.5 hours but then I needed a nap in the afternoon after a 4 hour marathon at B*'s rus this morning.

What you ask?...how completely positive of you to go ahead and register?

Well trust me, it wasn't entirely my idea. If it were up to me I'd just have mr. sushi nut go shopping with a list while I'm still in the hospital delivering. But no, my SIL has decided to throw me a shower along with my MIL and insisted I register somewhere so she can list it on the invites.

Invites! Holly crap...that's a little bold don't you think? After all I'm only 5+ months...anything could happen. I don't even know if they are both still in there! But she insisted. My favorite was when she asked me if I had thought of a theme yet for my shower. A theme! For the love of god...how could I forget to think of a theme! Oh yeah, it should have been on my list between bleeding out blood clots and having a double amnio. Fabulous. I told her I'll give her a theme alright...my theme is just getting these nuggets out at the end of term healthy and alive! How's that!? She apparently didn't go for it.


Other than this everything else is moving along. Just for organizational sake I think I'll categorize my current pregnancy symptoms in 3 categories: 1) Things that make me worry 2) Things that just seem weird and 3) Things that seem to show positive movement along in pregnancy.

Things that make me worry:

• Just this weekend I started feeling a sudden sharp pain from time to time in my pelvic area. It freaks me out when it happens of course but dr. google says it might be stretching pains, although I'm fearful it might be something like a uti. Or worse...So hopefully it will go away but I'll definitely be mentioning it on friday at my visit. Hopefully it won't get worse before then and make it necessary for me to go in early.
• Inconsistent movement: Why is it that when I eat some things I feel a ton of movement and not others. It's so random. Like at lunch today I had a hamburger and the movement at the top of my stomach was quite active. Now, right after dinner which was a salad, chicken and soup....hardly any movement. What the hell? Do they not like chicken?
• Back pain: lately I've been getting a ton of back pain. Mainly in the center left side. I get super uncomfortable if I sit too long, or stand too long...or sleep to long. I can't seem to find any type of relief. My ob advised me to start sleeping as much as I can on my left side...but then my side gets so sore that I just have to flip over to my right side...but then that doesn't feel very comfortable either.
• People saying that I'm not showing much: I went to the dentist for a teeth cleaning the other day and the dental hygienist in addition to my sister in law's mother both said that I looked smaller than they did at 5 months pregnant with a singleton. I hope this is because of my mary poppins magical jacket (which I still owe you a picture of) but it worries me that I am truly not as big as I'm supposed to be and that the nuggets aren't growing. But when I look at myself without clothes on I feel huge! I'm like the incredible hidden pregnant woman. Also it doesn't seem that obvious to other people at work are really noticing either. Hmmm.

Things that just seem weird:

• Breast itchiness: on some days this is seriously out of control on some days. Yesterday I caught myself scratching like a monkey. So strange. I try and lotion up my stomach and my breast area but it relieves it for a day and then we are back to the same thing the next day.

Things that show movement:

• Still have somewhat really sensitive and painful breasts. So I feel that this is a positive sign.
• Stretch marks...I've started my battle against the stretch marks. I'm sure I won't win but it's nice to be nominated as they say.
• Constipation: this wasn't such a problem in the beginning (which therefore was filed under "things to worry about) but now I'm also part of this group. My best friend is fiber.
• Bigger ankles: I've always been proud of my dainty female looking ankles and wrists. I'm happy to report that my wrists still remain slender but I've noticed my ankles turning quickly into cankles.

So that's pretty much the update...more to come later this week.

Sushi nugget mug shots 17 weeks +

As requested...meet baby A; otherwise known as "Sushi girl nugget". I know they can't open their eyes yet but doesn't it sort of look like we are peeping in on her and she caught us? That is if she is indeed looking straight at us. When I see this picture it looks like she is looking straight at us. But then again sometimes these things are like those 80's mirage pictures. You can either see a baby or a sail boat.

And...baby B; otherwise known as "Sushi boy nugget". Everyone else's ultrasounds look so clear all the time. I have yet to get a really good profile picture of either I think. And I swear my doctors don't work out of a shed on a farm. I swear. It's probably my foggy uterus.

Both of these are a bit dated by 3 weeks but my latest one is just their two heads together. My ob took the last ultrasound and saw that they were facing each other with their heads on the same side and thought it was the cutest thing ever. Like they were talking to each other through the wall. Well cute it might have been but all I have is a picture of the top view of their two sculls, now. Nice. Maybe a post for another time.

Next up the infamous jacket. And a non-jacket belly shot....

Thanksgiving - the big reveal

So after making 3 homemade pies the night before (yes 3 between mr. sushinut and I) we packed up our goodies on Thanksgiving morning and made the hour trip to my brother in law's house. I dressed for the first time in all maternity clothes (although I was tempted not to) but no I told myself this has to be done sooner than later. As mr. sushinut put it...this was my coming out party and I should celebrate being pregnant. Uh okay, if you say so. So I had this all brown cute outfit I bought at a maternity department store and I felt like a huge rum ball. Yum rum balls. I wish I could have one now.

Our reveal was going to be a little segmented because obviously everyone was getting there at different times and I obviously already looked pregnant. Which was perfectly fine with me since I hate being the focus of attention anyhow. So the first person we saw was my mother in law who was at the house super early to bake the turkey. She already knew there was going to be some sort of news because my mom told her that we were going to make a big announcement and it would be the best thanksgiving ever. Gee thanks mom...way to keep a secret. She wasn't terribly surprised I was pregnant, although extremely happy. But the twins thing did blow her away (as it did everyone else). She couldn't wait til my father in law got there so we could tell him. He has been wanting grandchildren forever and none of his sons (even ones that got married before us) have given him one yet. I would say that the first miscarriage (the only one they knew about) really took a toll on him and thus was the reason we wanted to wait till after the amnio to tell them.

Next my father in law arrived (not wanting to be there early he waited at home until a little later) and told him the news too. He was overjoyed and tears were in his eyes. It was very emotional. Later the last brother was told (and obviously the other brother who's house we were at found out with my mother in law). After that it was a blur really. Everyone was pleased I was pregnant and was taken aback by the twins news as well as overjoyed that it was a boy and a girl. There was a lot of questions from my sister in laws family like do twins run in the family etc. I guess wondering if my brother and sister in law could have twins. I basically kept the answers short and sweet. Mr. sushinut talked a little more about the fertility meds I was on. And I did mention in confidence to my mother in law that this was my 5th pregnancy, explaining about the septum and other issues. I felt she should know and would understand since she had 1 miscarriage before as well. I just wanted specifically her and my father in law to know that it has been a long road but we haven't given up.

The dinner was a great success and everyone had a good time. The night was finished up with a big toast during dessert in honor of mr. sushinut and I and the sushi nuggets. I think my mother in law said it best that these were going to be the most spoiled and loved children ever :) I wonder if they know how much everyone is anxiously awaiting their arrival! Much talk was done about how everyone is going to pitch in and help, which really surprised me. As the oldest and a very independent child I've never really relied on help from family or friends and am too modest to ask for help. I think my family is used to this and assumes I do not need help but mr. sushinut's family is extremely family and team oriented which I love. Apparently plans are being made now for my mother in law to at least partially retire next year due to their arrival! Wow talk about feeling pressure. My infertile instinct was to say well let's wait to see if all goes well...but I held back...I think it's time for positive thinking now...

To say that I had much to be thankful this year is to say the least!

Almost 20 week update

Let's see, what has happened since my last post...

I had a follow up with my obgyn at the 2 week mark after the amnio and the nuggets were still alive and well. So that was good news. Although I'm still clinging to the lovely Dec. 10th date in my head that marks one month after the amnio, which is pretty much the clearance I've heard for complications. Hopefully there are none because I've gone ahead and told my staff at work of the news. They were all very excited and everyone is trying to help with names. So I'm sort of out of the closet at work but not completely because I don't plan on telling anyone else except close friends...so it will just have to be word of mouth or if you will "word of stomach". I'm not really hiding it anymore but not really flaunting it if you know what I mean. I still owe some of those bump hiding style pics I promised.

Oh and I should mention that (Yay!) my obgyn and I definitely agreed to do a c-section on the nuggets because the chances of them both being in the right position are close to nil. I'm completely fine with this because since day one I've always wanted a c-section. My mother had two and she's always told me it's the way to go. I know there are pros and cons to it but I feel the same way about vaginal child birth. I guess I feel safer having them extracted from me rather than relying on my body doing the right thing. Must be the fact that my body didn't quite do the right thing from the beginning. And I don't trust it. So I'm very excited about this and we've even set an early date because she said they will most likely be ready to come out about 3 weeks early. So my set c-section is scheduled for the last Friday of March. They might come earlier but definitely not later. As a mega planner this is fabulous planning news for me. Gives me a clear goal.

I also had a follow up appt. with the perinatologist to check on my cervix and I'm happy to report my cervix is buttoned up and holding strong. I asked if I needed to have regular check ups about this and he said no. Seems like if your cervix is closed it's closed I guess. He just wanted to check me to make sure I wasn't ready to deliver in the next few weeks. Next few weeks! What a thought! I can't even imagine. It will be another month before I have another ultrasound appt. with both my obgyn and perinatologist so that will be a challenge in patience.

I'm feeling a bit more kicking from the little ones and the ironic thing is that although I'm very happy to feel them I also wonder if I'm hurting them by sitting up right or scrunching my tummy in a way to not give them enough room.

The other weird thing I've felt is this strange protectiveness towards them while revealing their existence. The night before I was going to tell my staff about them I had this disturbing dream about not wanting to tell anyone about them in order to protect them. I honestly don't really enjoy telling friends about them because then I feel they are open to the world and unprotected. I know in my head this makes no sense at all but I just can't get over it. It's very very strange. I guess I just want to keep them to myself.

Well tomorrow is Thanksgiving and we will be showing up with bump in tow to my inlaws. They don't know anything yet so it should be fun. I think I'll probably pull together all my ultrasound pics in a book and show my mother in law...she should enjoy that being a mom herself. I'll post some when I get a chance too.

We definitely have a lot to be thankful this thanksgiving. It's a far cry from last year's thanksgiving that's for sure. Last year I remember thinking that I quite honestly didn't have much to be thankful for with just 1 miscarriage down and no bfp's in sight. It was a very low time for us. Ironic how much can change in a year...it's been a long haul. I hope everyone has a good thanksgiving no matter what your situation is happy or disappointing this year. Just know that if it is a disappointing one, all could be different 1 year from now. And that's certainly something to look forward to.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaat Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaast...

Sorry that's my best Etta James impression through a blog post...

It only took 9 days but it seems like a lifetime.

I was just called by my ob with my amnio results.

Both sushi nuggets are perfectly healthy! Can't even explain the sigh of relief. I just sat in my office with my door closed and cried. :)

I know that there could be many more hurdles especially with a twin pregnancy. But I'm just glad to have this one over and done with.

My next appt. for an after amnio check up is on Friday with my ob and then another with the perinatologist (he wants to check my cervix because of the twins situation - I was told this is standard with all twin patients) on Monday.

By the way I'll work on those pictures of the super jacket and sweater that hide me at work ;) Picture Mary Poppins magical bag but only in clothes style :) I'm sure that some people have an inkling though.

18 Week Update

So where did we leave off? Oh yes leaking. So on Wednesday mr. sushinut talked me into staying home another day and going to the doctor. Went in for a exam and it turns out there's no sign of me leaking amniotic fluid. My ob said it looked like I had a lot of discharge which is normal especially with twins and this is what was probably leaking.

What a relief. Even saw the nuggets briefly on the ultrasound.
So tomorrow will be a week since the amnio. I wonder when they say 8 -10 days for the results if they count the day of. Maybe not. Anyways sometime this week I should be getting them. I hope I'm not at work when I do but since they'll most likely call in the middle of the day I will be. What a stressful call to take. I know my heart is going to stop for a moment.

So it's another week playing the "what baby" game with the clothes. Some of you have beenwondering how I do it. I basically rotate two items in my closet over clothes. A big sweater and a big jacket. Now I actually have to button them up so people can't see. I feel like a fool, I probably look like a fool, to me it's obvious. Maybe they just don't say anything because since people see me each day I look the same. But I'm ready to be called upon by the fashion police soon. My plan is to let my staff know and let the cat out of the bag as soon as I get the amnio results back. That's when I feel I can officially bond. Until then I don't want to hear people's congratulations.

Oh and it looks like there will be like 20 people at thanksgiving this year. Fabulous. What a quaint group to announce our news. I guess I'll probably leave out the 4 miscarriages when announcing...that's sure to put a damper on dinner.

2nd Day of Amnio Resting - to leak or not to leak

So this is what happens when I am forced to stay at home and rest. I compulsively freak because television just doesn't entertain me enough.

Today I am leaking...well not just today, for like the last 2 weeks I've been doing the slow urine leak but now I'm wondering well maybe this leak is from amniotic fluid. It didn't smell like ammonia like it has before so I've gone a step further and smelled the t.p right after I pee...guess what, that doesn't smell like ammonia either. So either I'm actually urinating amniotic fluid or I've taken the doctor's orders too well and I've watered down my pee so much that there is barely a smell.

Well mid day I was getting a little over anxious about this random leaking and had a melt down in front of mr. sushinut. He suggested I call the dr. So I did and my ob basically said that if it was an amniotic leak it would be continuous...like a leaking faucet and I'd have to change my underpants every hour. Well that certainly isn't the case. It's basically a little touch of watery liquid on a pad...every hour. I told her that I even have leaked after I pee and isn't that supposed to not be the case. She said women leak even then, because they rarely release all the urine after peeing but the body becomes relaxed and lets go of the rest. Okay fine.

To make matters worse I think I'm getting a yeast infection...So I mentioned this to her and she did mention the leak could then be the watery discharge that sometimes happens when a yeast infection starts. This made sense...I've never had the icky thick discharge that they talk about when I have these just a watery discharge. She said that she would recommend diflucam for it right now since I should not be sticking anything up the girly parts right now. I didn't think diflucam was safe during pregnancy but apparently it is. I think I'll hang tight for a few days making sure nothing else happens before I take something though.

****I interrupt this blog post to curse myself out for taking a phone call from my mother******
Damn, damn damn!!! My mother just called (as usual a day late on things) to find out how my test went today. Uh it was yesterday but thanks for asking. In her usual tone she asked if it hurt. Why yes it did I was sore all day, but today I feel less sore. Really she says, I talked to someone at work (gee thanks for discussing my personal business with some random stranger) and they said there was really nothing to it. Oh yes, again thanks for making light of what was the biggest decision of my life. Well I said in my usual "I'm in no mood for you woman" tone, did you ask them how it would feel after they had two in a freaking row? Oh, she says, you had two? To which I responded, well yes. After all that's what you have to do for twins. TWINS!!!! YOU'RE HAVING TWINS!!!! Crap. After telling mr. sushinut over and over to not spill the beans, and that we were hopefully (if all goes well) announce the twins thing and the sexes to everyone at Thanksgiving I've now told my mom the twin thing. She no longer cared to hear about leakage or any other issues she just kept on saying "I KNEW YOU WERE GOING TO HAVE TWINS!" Seriously...I don't know why I try anymore.

Anyhow...back to the vaginal discharge conversation. So bottom line is I'm not leaking continuously. Like a faucet anyway. So I guess this is good. Knocking on wood that it doesn't increase. But she said if it did tonight I could go to labor and delivery at the hospital or I could come in tomorrow. Although the test they give is not 100% about testing with the swab if it's urine or fluid but I guess she can tell by doing an ultrasound. Hopefully I won't need to come in until my next appointment, which is a week from Friday. On the positive side, I've been feeling sushi nugget girl moving all day...at one point she was kicking the crap out of my lower abdomen. I think I'll play with my doppler tonight to just make sure everything is alright.

Amnio Update

So I made it through the amnio. Now I just need to hope and pray. My appt. was today at 9a. I got there probably 15 minutes early. But we didn't see the genetic counselor until about 10a. It was a long day. I'm not sure if it was her job or if she truly was wondering why I was there but she sounded like I didn't really have much to worry about seeing my numbers even though I tested positive for the first screening test. I didn't let this stray me though. I had thought about this long and hard and I didn't want to chicken out now. What I did love about her was that she had twins 5 years ago and also had an amnio. Just the fact that there were two more twin survivors of the amnio (and 5 years ago to boot) made me feel a little better. Basically she went over the same exact things I had already read about or heard of so there really was no new info. And we continued on with the amnio.

We had the in depth ultra sound first and they were moving around like mad, even though I took careful precautions this morning to not eat a spec of sugar and only have water and dry wheat toast. But the doctor said there's often times no way around it. He said that everything looked perfect and all the important parts were there and looked well. They both were measuring right on target for 17 weeks and a few days. Oh and I guess I should mention if you've read this far...he could tell what the sex is of each :) Although not 100% until the amnio results he said the sushi nuggets are one of each. I have 1 boy and 1 girl! :) We are elated. From the beginning I had a feeling it might be one of each but lately I've been leaning more towards 2 girls. For whatever reason I've never felt it was two boys. Not sure why. But yup...those are the sushi nuggets. One of each.

So anyways we started with Baby B or the boy, because he was moving around a little less than the girl. They carefully cleaned and prepped me...I was pretty scared but tried to remain as calm as possible. This needle wasn't too bad, it hurt a little but I honestly I believe it was because he is higher up (which by the way I realize now that the boy consumes the upper part of my tummy (I was wondering why I was poofed out up there) where the little girl consumes the lower part of my abdomen (or the muffin top part)...the two have been slowly merging but not completely a round ball yet. I give it another week or two before I'm a perfect round pregnant ball, shape wise.

Anyways the boy went fine, clear fluid and all. I counted the seconds till they were done because I was so scared he would hit the needle because he was moving around a bit.

Now the girl was a little more difficult. She was kicking around like a crazy woman and I prayed and prayed she would stop. I now had my first experience of not being able to control your child. I wanted to reach in and grab hold of her. It took about 20 minutes to wait till she settled down and found a place that was clear. I couldn't look at the ultrasound during that time I was so afraid she was moving around. Not to mention this needle was by far more painful. I'm not sure if it was because my stomach was already tense from the first one or because it was closer to my lower abdomen but I could completely feel the the needle go through me and then pop through the sac. It was not comfortable to say the least. I couldn't wait till it was taken out. The doctor said I did just great though and the fluid came out clear as well.

I'm to notify both him and my ob office immediately if I spot at all or leak amniotic fluid...which should be a little difficult to tell since I've been continuously leaking urine for the past few weeks. But hopefully I'll be able to figure out the difference. My stomach feels super sensitive and sore (especially by the lower puncture) and I've just been on compulsive leak watch and hanging out watching the Kardashian marathon (nothing like smut to get your mind off your amnio).

Oh and I should mention I was all gung ho about ordering the asap FISH results until we found out they are between $300-$400 a pop and since I have two that would be times two. Mr. sushinut put his foot down and said we should put it towards the college fund. :( So I need to wait. The genetic counselor said it takes from 8-10 days...the doc said 10-14 days...I'm hoping that the generic counselor is more on target. So here's to a uneventful couple of weeks ahead.

17 Weeks Update - 2 Days until Amnio

This week was a little rough. I seems I came down Tuesday with the stomach flu. At first I thought I ate something but when I called my ob the office said the stomach flu was going around. I had one day of (believe it or not) actual vomiting (although all water) and some diarrhea (sorry for the tmi) but I got thru it and took two days off from work. I feel perfectly fine now and have been trying since to drink as much liquids as possible to make up for any dehydration that occurred. Checked the heartbeats with the doppler on day two and they both still seemed to be there so I guess that's good.

I've read a lot about the flu shot and am now wondering if I should get it. I've never honestly taken it before. I pride myself on staying healthy every year by taking echinecia and golden seal and haven't had the flu (knock on wood) for about 5-6 years. While everyone at work is dying (even those who have had the shot) I continue on healthy. My fear of getting it now is that a) what if I have an allergic reaction and it affects the pregnancy (after all this being my first time I wouldn't know if I would have a reaction) and b) sort of leery as I always have been as to what is exactly in those shots. I know there's been much research on their benefit but I wonder should I risk the chance of a reaction. With my luck I'd have one. Anyone else decide not to get their flu shot? My doctor quite honestly hasn't mentioned it.

And last but not least, the amnio is on Monday. My boss came into my office on friday and gave me a nice "best of luck on monday, think positive thoughts" comment which I thought was nice. Last night I met with a close friend who I told about the pregnancy and the amnio situation. She's very excited about the pregnancy and thinks all will go well with the amnio. I'm trying to think positive too but I wonder if they a) really understand the risks or b) are just trying to not make me freak out. Probably a little of both. I've been pretty calm lately about my decision but I am not looking forward to Sunday night at all. I know already it will be a night of restless sleep.

Happy 16 Weeks my little sushi nuggets...

So if all is still well, my little sushinuggets turned 16 weeks yesterday. Ah, the 4 month mark.


At this point my nausea has diminished again but does pop up from time to time. I've had more food cravings, still have breast tenderness and some weird twinges/pulling sensations in the last couple of days in my pelvic area. Hopefully this is all normal.

Another big step of mine...my doppler finally came in! It came in on Thursday and I rushed home to try to use it. I found at least one heart rate perfectly fine. I can't tell if I'm finding two or if it's the same one. I purposely rented a digital one so that I can see what the number is. One is about 157 and the other is around 153. I know those are pretty close so it might be the same baby but who knows, it was my first time trying and I'm sure I'll get better at it.

And because of the doppler I felt a-okay with telling my boss about the pregnancy on Friday as well. I had decided that I would tell him but let him know that I wasn't ready to tell my staff or anyone else at the office yet. I felt it was the right thing to do not only out of etiquette but also in case anything major happened and God forbid I have to take longer off or have issues with complications. I thought it would be better if he at least knew the first half of the story before hand.

Friday was review day for me so I thought it a perfect chance to discuss right after all was said and done (so as to not bias his review of course) since I don't get to talk to him one on one much. I was a bit concerned about his reaction but knew it would be better than my last crappy boss. She was completely anti children and this boss has a young child. So I had hopes that all would go okay. He actually surprised me by being very much overjoyed and and was so happy for me. We talked about all the details and how long I thought about taking and what we were going to do about staffing. He just seemed genuinely happy. I told him that I'd like to wait a little while after the amnio to make sure that everything went okay before telling my staff. He said he understood and talked about how his wife had the amnio as well. Although I didn't tell him it was twins yet (thought that was a bit too much info at this time) I did mention that I may need bed rest and will probably deliver early. I guess his wife had a similar situation as well and he related. Not bad for a male boss I would say :)

So I guess I'm on to next week at work still trying to hide my belly. I'm so proud of myself for making it this far. (Although does that mean that I'm not growing enough? - Arrg...the constant worry) As long as I get through this week I'm free and clear as I see it. My amnio is a week from Monday. Even though I've read that a miscarriage can occur as long as a month after the amnio, my obgyn says it happens quite quickly if it does. So I'll definitely be on pins and needles in a couple of weeks.

Mr. sushinut and I still haven't told my mom or my inlaws and decided to wait until after the amnio. My hope is that we will announce to everyone at Thanksgiving our news (or in my case just show up looking pregnant) and pray that we have something to be extremely thankful for. Two babies that survived an amnio and that are healthy to boot. Wouldn't that be a dream come true. Sure beats the depressing infertility issues I've had to deal with at past Thanksgivings. I can only hope. Both of our families would be beyond overjoyed. And I would love to give them that.

Got Hope? - Ultrasound update 14 weeks

"Got Hope?" That's what a bumper sticker read that I saw right after my ultrasound on Friday. I couldn't relate more. My whole life seems to be dependent on hope these days. Hope every day that these little nuggets move forward and prove that this bad string of events is now at a close.

My ultrasound on Friday went fine. Again surprisingly enough they are still both there. And growing. My ob warned me to not take to heart the ultrasound measurements at this appt. because they are often off during this transition time between the first trimester and second, which instantly alarmed me. I was like, what? what do you mean? Measure them. Let me see! And then measured them and to her surprise they measured exactly 14 weeks and 13 weeks 6 days, which by her standards is slightly ahead since I believe she counted friday as more of 13 weeks 5 days. Huge sigh of relief. I mean I know twins at some point will be slightly behind in growth due to two of them being in there and being born smaller but I'd prefer to have them right on target for as long as possible. She also told me to not worry about "not gaining any weight yet". Which is often the case in the first trimester with someone suffering from nausea. I failed to mention that I did in fact gain weight...because I lost like 4-5 pound since last seeing her and has gained it back since then...leaving me, exactly at the weight I was during my last visit.

Speaking of nausea, I was finally getting used to the idea that the nausea was diminishing and I could focus on my other worries until Friday when it started up all over again. And has since been just as bad. Ugh. Helloooo people! It's the 2nd trimester!!!!

Fatigue also returned and I spent most of the weekend just taking naps or trying to get a little bit of shopping done here and there.

Another concern I had was in regards to some, errr "leaking" if you will, that has been taking place especially last week. I freaked out thinking that it might be amnio fluid but read that if it smells like ammonia it's urine and not amnio fluid. So off I go to the women's restroom at work to smell. Nice. Low and behold it did smell like ammonia...so no worries there people...the nuggets are okay I apparently have just turned into a 90 year old grandmother who can't hold her water. Fabulous.


The last but certainly not the least subject that was talked about at the appt. was the amnio. She asked what I had decided. I told her that I have my appt. set and although we may change our minds we currently are planning to go ahead with it. I told her of course I'm scared to death and she agreed that is natural. She brought up a good point though that I would have probably thought of eventually on my own. She said sometimes it's easier when you already have an older child and you have a special needs child later. At first I didn't understand what she meant. Did she mean that at least you had one healthy child already? Then she went on to explain that if you have an older child you know that that child will still be around when you and your spouse are long gone and can take care of the special needs person when they are an adult. Very true I thought... of course I also thought that I'm not entirely sure that I would like to even put that burden on a sibling if I had a choice. The bottom line is that not only do I feel I wouldn't be able to handle a special needs child just the idea of leaving them alone in the world (or two of them in the world) without knowing who would take care of them crushes me. I guess just another thought in the bucket as to why getting an amnio would help for me in particular. I also asked her if she had had any patients (twins or single pregnancies) that lost their babies during an amnio. She said no, she herself did not. Which made me feel better. But then again some one's got to be that damn .5%. I also asked her about the Dr. that was suggested for me to have the amnio with. And she said he is excellent and the best she knows of in the city. And knows he's done hundreds of thousands of these throughout the years and says I most likely will have more scans by him when I get further along because she has him scan all of her twin pregnancies. Hmmm interesting. So bottom line, her optimism was a little contagious and I'm feeling much better about the decision.


With that said, I still haven't told my work about the pregnancy and am growing bigger by the minute. I figure I'll get to the end of this week and see how I look. After this week I only have 2 more weeks before the amnio. Let's see if I'll make it that long being under wraps. Of course I'd prefer to say nothing at all until I know everything is fine with the amnio results.

13 Weeks 6 Days

So much to comment on...I'll section it off...


National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day: Last night when I came home from work at 7p I lit a candle for my 4 little previous nuggets and all the other lost nuggets out there. I said a silent prayer. There is so much loss that we experience that I just can't fathom how many people are affected. With every day I feel a little closer to having a healthy pregnancy yet my losses are still so etched in my heart and head that I know I will never forget them, and nor do I want to. To all the women out there who are currently not pregnant and grieving over their losses may they soon be blessed with a live healthy pregnancy.

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On the plus side of things (and I do mean plus size): I'm not surprised that I've been growing in gerth a bit since my nausea has diminished a bit over the recent weeks and I've been found to cram things in my mouth on a constant basis. Last weigh in showed a 5 pound loss since I first started with the pregnancy (nice I couldn't even lose 5 pounds dieting before without being pregnant) which I'm sure I've gained back and more. The problem is my clothes situation. See at work I'm still under operation keep it under wraps. And in my naive grasping for hope pea brain I'm praying that I can get through til my amnio without saying anything to anyone. Fat chance. People are staring ... or so I believe...I mean maybe it's my constant paranoia but I feel the glances towards my middle. Luckily it's frigid cold in my office and building and no one questions when I where a jacket or thick sweater even though it's still in the 90's here in CA. Hello! Can't the "weather" kick in already? I have 3 more weeks approximately until my amnio. Do you think I'll make it? I'll post some pics for you to decide. I'm thinking I'm screwed. Personally I keep telling my close friends that I want to do the "knocked up" thing (movie) and just say "what baby?" even at 9 months. I think that would be hilarious. What would not be hilarious would be having to tell everyone that I'm pregnant and then lose the pregnancy due to the amnio. That would seriously kill me.

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On the not so bright side of things: I was so happy to see that Ms. Planner came by my blog and reminded me of her experience with genetic testing. I follow her blog closely and forgot completely about that part of her pregnancy. I went back and read some of her posts and found them so comforting and strengthening. Reminding myself the reason why I've always wanted an amnio in the first place and acknowledging that it's pure free (and rightly so) that is making me sway. If anyone is going through the same struggle I am, please read the following post. It will definitely make you think twice.
http://msplanner.blogspot.com/2007/11/melt-down.html

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14 Week ultrasound tomorrow:
And so tomorrow is another ultrasound and the saga continues...will there be two heart beats? Will there be any heart beats? I'm going to hound her more like a mad man and make her answer more questions about the amnio and my chances (even though I know that only the amnio will give me real answers) I want to know more about the triple screen tests and if I can take those as well...knowing full well that they may give me the same poor results.

Working My Way Through the Amnio Decision

You guys rock. Completely rock. Thanks for all the info everyone posted on my last post. Every little story helps. I found a bunch of new message board postings about women who successfully had amnio with twins and was happy they did it. Even one woman who lost her first pregnancy (a healthy one and singleton) with a first amnio, got pregnant again with twins and had it done again...this time nothing happened. Now that woman has BALLS. And in the end she said she was happy she did it and had a peace of mind. Of course there is the occasional really sad story of loss too.

Now this doesn't mean that I have made up my mind, but it certainly helps to know that it's more of a luck of draw rather than just the twins factor.

With that said I've started taking some steps just in case I do want to have it done. In the end I may change my mind. My heart says no, my brain says yes. It's going to be a battle to the end.

I called the hospital where I am supposed to have it...same place I had my screening test done. My ob said I should book an appt. immediately because the good doctors get booked quickly. So my amnio if I choose to go through with it, will be at 17 weeks on Nov. 10th at 9a. They say 17 weeks is most ideal because there's sometype of lining or something that is for sure completely formed then. I can't remember what they called it. I'm calling it "A" day. Rather than "D"-day.

I originally requested the dr. who did the ultrasound part of my screening because they say he's the best...but they said for amnios they are done by this other doctor (who I also heard was very good). I questioned why and they said that the second dr. does more per year. Whereas the ultrasound dr. focuses more on the scans and doesn't do as many. I questioned how many per year he does because I've researched that your dr. should do at least around the 200/per year ...rather than say 50/per year. They said he did about 250/per year. So that figures out to be about 7/per week. Which I think makes for someone who knows his stuff. Of course I wasn't bold enough to ask how many he loses in a year.

I then asked about the genetic counseling. They said when I come in I'll do counseling first and then if I choose to I'll have the amnio. I am a little uneasy about taking in all that info at once and having to make a decision immediately but maybe since it will be fresh in my mind and won't give me a chance to chicken out and seek out dr. google it would be for the best. Still thinking it over if I want to request earlier counseling. My next ob appt. is next Friday. I'm going to ask her more about further testing like the triple screen etc. but from what I'm reading it's more generic testing that really has a lot of false positives. Which is not what I need at this point.

My next plan of action is to rent a doppler. Because if I'm going to do this, I'm going to need to be a total control freak and scan for heart beats on an hourly basis after I have this done. I'm already planning to take two days off if I do go through with it. My appt. is at 9a. I'll go straight home and be on bedrest for the rest of the day. And same with the following day.

My question to you guys is if you recommend a site to rent dopplers and any advice you have. So far I have looked at Heart Tones...and they look pretty reasonable. I think I want one that shows the heart beat count so that I can tell which twin is which. And make sure I'm not confusing either one with my own.

Facing the 37 year old Elephant in the Room - 12 weeks 2 days

So this last Friday I turned 12 weeks. Wow. I seriously can't believe I actually got here. Well that is if everything is still all right in there. (My usual disclaimer). So a few hurdles down and many many more to go. Just last week I initiated my ascent to my next hurdle and boy is this one a doozy. I knew this day would come, I just wish it never had to.

Genetic testing.

Last Tuesday I had my first trimester screening test, which entailed a blood test and an ultrasound. My first fear was of course, please don't let me go in there and have one of them not be alive anymore. How uncomfortable would that be? I find it absolutely ridiculous that this was my only concern...or should I say my main concern. Hey baby steps I say. First make sure the kids are still there...second get to the genetic business.

So this weekend (fri - sun) mr. sushinut and I were off to a medical conference for him and I was tagging along for company. Of course I knew that on Friday right at the beginning of our trip I may be getting a call about the results. And that these results just may break me down for the rest of the weekend. And thus that is what basically happened.

I knew full well that with twins it's just so hard to really get accurate tests with the blood work considering it throws things out of whack that there are two of them. But the dr. doing the scan assured me that they know who to take that into account. Still I've heard that first trimester screening is often a false positive but I had high hopes that by some miraculous way my results would blow my age category out of the water and that I would come away with better than ideal numbers. On the other hand another part of me just knew the results would screen positive.

The high point is that my chances for a downs child with just my age, no screening, is basically 1/97 or 1% (I hadn't realized it was that bad, yet I haven't had time to do more research). After the test my chances decreased to 1/155 or .6%. So basically I'm doing better than the average 37 year old. Good right? Whoohoo? Not quite. Except that the positive/negative threshold for the test ends at about 250. Making my test score "positive". Even though ironically if you look at it...my chances of having a normal child(or two) would be 99.4%. That's a pretty damn good percentage in my book. Yet all the talk has thus far been around two options for me 1) CVS or 2) Amnio. Both the Dr. who did the screening test and my obgyn are speaking as though I must have one of these. Although my obgyn completely is against me having a CVS because she says she's lost twins with that test before. But somehow feels completely at ease with me having an amnio. May I remind everyone that in my case with two sacs and twins I would be stuck TWICE with the needle making chances of a miscarriage "slightly higher" uh wouldn't that just be "double" the chance? Or are they just sugar coating it for me?

My obgyn explained that chances for a miscarriage with a CVS are about 1% which makes my chance of having a downs twin (or both) less than miscarrying them. And so this is why she highly recommends me not having a CVS. An amnio is basically done later and therefore "only" has about a .05% chance of miscarrying (then again with the "slightly higher" mention because of twins.) To which none of these extremely low percentages are relieving my worry the least considering if there is a percent chance of something wrong it usually happens to me. Hello...FOUR MISCARRIAGES. What are the friggen percentages of that happening my friends? I would love to report a percentage but I assume it's going to be so low because MOST people don't have FOUR friggen miscarriages. Somehow I feel that I've come to terms with losing a child "naturally" is something I can deal with...but this is like I'm forcing a chance of miscarriage on them. Even though I know it's a very small chance.

So you're probably thinking, then don't do it? Why do something you're so unfcomfortable with and scared to death about. Well mainly because having two or even one child with Downs is quite honestly something I've never thought we could handle. And I know this is a personal decision and not everyone agrees on and let me add that for those that do choose this path to not eliminate the pregnancy after finding out a child has something like Downs, and continue on with the pregancy, I bow down to you. I seriously bow down to you and have the greatest respect on earth for you. You in my opinion are the be all end all selfless parents on earth, because of the task you have taken on as yours. I'm not proud of my opinions of what mr. sushinut and I can handle but I have to be realistic. And to pretend that all would be fine and that we could handle one or more downs children would be in complete denial.

And so this is my quandary. Which is worse? Knowing or not knowing? I don't think I could live with myself if I should have this done and didn't. I'm not one to really go against what the doctor recommends, yet I'm scared as hell of losing one or both. I even asked mr. sushinut if he could go with me (which he assumed he would anyhow) but not for obvious reasons but instead, so that he could see both of them on ultrasound at least once (he hasn't seen them yet) before possibly one or both are miscarried. How morbid is that?

And then there's the last comment my obgyn make when speaking to me after getting the results on Friday, which was "From what I can tell from your numbers, chances are your babies are both just fine". Well then why all the talk about the amnio???? Why do I have to do it when everyone in their heart feels that all will be well? I'll tell you why...because your heart doesn't give statistics and yes or no answers that's why.

I guess this is why they say having children is never easy...I just didn't think it would start this early.

10 Weeks and another Ultrasound update

Okay I should preface that this post really dates back to last Friday. But because I basically sleep half a day and work the other half I've yet to find the time to post for some reason.

So last Friday I was exactly 10 weeks and I had called my ob/gyn to make an appt. in 2 weeks just like my RE suggested. Well the receptionist insisted I come in the same week Friday to see her because I was already 9 plus weeks. Didn't matter if I had just had an ultrasound on Tues. Again, apparently the way to have more ultrasounds is to not want to have them. I suppose it's the "playing hard to get method" if you will.

To make a long story short I went in and my ob/gyn did the full check up with pap and all, which was a nice reassurance. Both nuggets were still measuring right on target...well maybe a little better than her estimate. She set my due date at April 18th and the nuggets at 9 weeks 6 days. But on my ultrasound pics it measures them as 10 weeks 1 day and 10 weeks 2 days. So I guess overacheiving is always better in this case. Both were moving around so much that she was having a hard time grabbing ones heart beat, but eventually I heard both for the very first time and was instantly brought to tears. It was also the first time I had a tummy ultrasound. When she didn't take out the probe I was thinking...wow you are a confident woman. But she was right and we saw them perfectly.

It was a rather lengthy visit (especially for her who is usually so busy) since I had to update her on all my other losses, medications and such. We talked about genetic testing and I have decided to do the non-invasive testing first since she highly recommends not doing CVS with twins. She says she lost a pair of twins with that test before. So it looks like I'll be doing the scan and then if necessary and amnio. I've been dreading this portion of the pregnancy forever but apparently it's now time. My RE mentioned that new studies show that it's actually more women in their 40's have issues with genetics than women around 35. So let's hope they are right. If I've gone this far with all of this nonsense and there are genetic issues, I don't know what I'd do.

She also had me continue my progesterone (damn) for another week. And so this friday is my graduating day (yet again). I feel like the kid that can't ever seem to get enough credits in college to graduate.

As for symptoms my morning sickness has increased a touch (especially over the weekend) but today (after a major almost losing my cookies incident) I've felt pretty good and was even able to down a salad this evening, which of course scares the crap out of me since "they" meaning the nuggets never let me eat salad. They aren't big veggie eaters yet and I've had to sneak them in here and there and even gag on a few.

On the topic of the white blood cell count, the saga still continues...although so far the score is 2 and 0. Both my RE and my Ob have said that high white blood cell count is common among pregnant women and that these tests mean nothing right now. I still have an appt. with my GP next week to see what her opinion is. I figure it can't hurt even though mr. sushinut feels it's over kill. At this point I'll take whatever blood tests and other tests are necessary to continue to grow the sushi nuggets successfully.

So that's it for now. Hopefully I'll find the energy to post more often...
Hope all is well with everyone else!

9 Weeks 4 Days - Ultrasound Update

Has it really been that long since I posted? I guess so... I honestly would have sooner but I think I relaxed a bit too much on vacation and don't seem to have enough energy to even post on my blog!

I do want to thank everyone who posted advice on the the altitude information I requested, it seriously was a great help.

So in order to move everything along I think I'll just recap in bullet points what's happened since my last post.

Here goes:

• All ready to go on vacation and on the last Friday of work I slipped and fell (on basically nothing - I guess that balance thing about pregnant women is right) on my way back from lunch. I didn't feel like I really fell hard and caught myself with my hand rather than landing on my stomach, but felt like I sort of stretched out my abdomen a little (or maybe that's the lack of exercise I was feeling the burn from). Picture an emergency downward dog yoga position if you will. Carefully checked to see if there was any spotting or cramping all afternoon long...none. Fast forward to 3a that night...light red period like bleeding (again) and blood clots (again!). Was it the fall? Or coincidence? Called the RE and luckily he was in on Saturday (I guess there were a lot of emergencies that day). Told me to come in for a quick ultrasound. I can now be referred to as the woman who cried blood clot. And apologized to the dr. for doing so. He said it's completely understandable. Ultrasound still showed two heart beats plus the lovely blood clot. Diagnosis was that the fall jostled something (like the clot) and that's why I bled. Immediately stopped bleeding by that morning but was told to again limit my physical activity. Luckily I was leaving for vacation the next morning.


• Left for my 5-6 hour drive on our trip to the mountains. My role in the trip? Stopping at every bathroom location for a pee break and to stretch my legs and reading aloud each posting of the elevation. I now know exactly what elevation each city is from my home and about 300 miles north of me. Interesting material...never really bothered to notice before. By the way the town we passed through and ate dinner at a few times was about 7,500 ft. and the town we stayed at was about 7,600 ft. Although I felt we were going downhill a lot when getting to the resort so I would estimate the exact resort elevation was probably around 7,500 ft. Which by the way is exactly where I stayed practically the whole 5 days.


• My vacation consisted of feeling nauseous, sucking on ginger drops, eating tiny meals and sleeping...repeat. Oh except for the day that I went and got a pregnancy massage, which I highly recommend to all. Oh and a couple of times I went to watch mr. sushinut do things like kayaking and fishing but only in between nap times. It was pure bliss to say the least. I never really felt out of breath (after all napping is certainly not an out of breath sport) but was careful to watch that the altitude wasn't affecting me. Which it seemed not to.


• Came home and vegged some more. Obviously since my suitcase is STILL not unpacked. More nausea with some added acid reflux type of sensations once in a while...still no vomiting.


• Yesterday - had 9 week ultrasound appt. God I hate these. I'm probably the only woman on earth that does. I get so nervous I get more nauseous than I already feel (if that's possible). Again, making sure the tissues are in the pocket...dark sunglasses in purse. Ultra sound showed two heartbeats still and slight movement in both. And one even waved at us with it's little paw! It was awesome. We talked a bit about genetic testing (another post to be written) and talked about handing me off to my obgyn. I am to call for an appt. with her in two weeks. If she's not available I'm to see my RE again, until I can see her. My dr. gave me a hug and everyone told me to keep them updated. I felt a mixture of happiness and sadness. Oh and only a couple of days more to go of the progesterone! Yay!


• Immediately when I got back from my appt. I get a call from my rheumatologist who noted before I left on vacation that my white blood cell count was high and asked if I had a urinary tract infection. At that point I thought I did and was on antibiotics (for the second time) but later found out that for the second time my results came back negative. I took the white blood cell count test again when I came back from vacation and yesterday morning they called to tell me it's still elevated at 15.3 (normal is 3-10). So my happiness was short lived with my ultrasound and I'm now freaking out about this. Dr. google says this can be usual or something suspect with an infection. But each time they've tested for an urinary tract infection it comes back negative! My fear is of course that it's something terrible but I read that often times this is usual with pregnant women. My plan is to call my RE this morning for his input and then call my GP as suggested by my rheumatologist to give me some additional tests. If anyone has had any experience with this issue I'd love to know about...

Again...it wouldn't be my blog...if there weren't enough drama going around. Sigh.

Hope all is well with everyone.

7 Weeks 4 Days Ultrasound update

The sushi nuggets grow a bit more. Still 2 heart beats. Both measuring on target.

My symptoms of nausea have returned but no actual tossing of cookies just yet. Just the irritating feeling of being hungry every second of the day but feeling if I eat something I'll hurl. Fun times. Can't wait to see what this is like on vacation with altitude. Still clocking in about 10 hours of sleep a day otherwise I crash and burn. For the time being, the spotting has stopped. The doctor thinks it was reducing the progesterone.

Speaking of altitude. The doctor was asking how high altitude was the area I was planning to visit. It's about 7,500 ft. Now I don't plan to ski or hike or do any of the very brave things I hear the rest of you doing sometimes. I plan on sitting around the lake or in my very comfortable cabin porch and read and relax. But has anyone had any issues with altitude on their trips during the first trimester? I've read everything from it can cause prematurity to it's nothing as long as you don't go over 8,000 feet. I live in a low altitude or sea level area. So this will be somewhat a change for me. Any thoughts are welcomed. My doctor seemed to cautiously say I should be okay. I will not be flying...just driving up there.

7 Weeks

Or at least I'm assuming I'm still 7 weeks.

Afterall, It has been since Tuesday that I've heard heartbeats. But you never know with me.
I'm trying to be super positive and think positive thoughts. Mr. Sushinut says to keep thinking positive, but it's so hard.

Spotting is still happening bottom line. Nothing like that horrific day this week with the red blood and clots etc. but back to little or no spotting light to dark brown.

I try to look up stuff on dr. google but I hear everything from yes I spotted with twins to spotting with twins usually means you are going to lose one. Not to mention I've read all the complications with twins and it's freaking me out even more.

Nausea: Nausea has dwindled a bit (which again scares the crap out of me - isn't it supposed to be getting worse?) but then again I'm not sure if it's because I finally broke down and bought some saltines and preggy pops (by the way those things are fabulous) or is it because it's really lessened? Don't get me wrong I can't eat like a normally would, I still have to eat small meals and some foods tend to make me feel nauseous but I can tell it's easier for me to eat a little something for dinner now than before. But most of the time if I had to I could easily go without food. Does that count as morning sickness? I feel like an idiot hoping that I'll toss my cookies considering I've always hated throwing up and would do anything not to (even with a hangover). Maybe I'm psychologically fighting it? I occasionally get some acid reflux but that's all I've been able to cough up. Literally.

Breast tenderness: Still feel the same in this area. Again not sure if it's the progesterone.

Fatigue: This has been the only thing consistent and I've only increased my sleep to now averaging 10 hours a night and that's even with "taking it easy" this week by working from home half days as the doctor requested.

Ligament Pains: come and go and I'll usually have one when I least expect it.

That's pretty much all I can think of. My plans for the weekend? Not too exciting...just taking it easy and waiting for the next appointment on Tuesday morning.

Hang in there sushi nuggets!

6 Weeks 4 Days - And an Emergency Trip to the RE

Does the drama ever end?

So last night I had continued to spot, which was rare for me because I've been spotting just a touch here and there during the day (just on my pantyliner, never when I wipe) and never during the night when I sleep. Until last night. It kept increasing and becoming more and more rust color (aka obviously fresh blood coming in). I tried to keep it together in the morning until I went to the bathroom and to my horror was wiping deep read huge (like a teaspoon full in total) blood clots. Hello I'm no amateur at this .... I know blood clots = bad...very very bad.

So freaking out I decide I'm calling in sick and waited anxiously for 8:30a to roll around so that I can call the RE. Finally I'm on the phone and I explain the whole situation. And the following conversation ensues:

Nurse: "Bleeding is very very common with twins".

Me: "there were clots, is it common with clots?" I don't think so lady, I'm no newbie in the miscarrying dept.

Nurse: "Well yes even clots...sometimes". Ah yes doubting yourself are you?

Me: "They were big. And a lot."

Nurse: "Okay well maybe you should come in"

YOU THINK?

So I haul butt to the RE and wait for my ultrasound with dr. backup. I explain the whole situation again (while the tears are coming) to him and the nurse. He asks if I've been cramping at all and I say no, not at all. He tells me how it's common to bleed with twins because there's not a lot of room in there to begin with. For the love of god after passing the clots this morning there should be much more room now! And in goes the wand.

He goes through the areas very slowly and I pray that I at least have one left. Please just let me have at least one if I can't have both. And we see the first heart beat. Now measuring exactly 6.4 weeks with a heart beat of around 130 - 140 he says. I'm stunned...but there is is still the other twin.

But I say, I had twins.

And he says, and you still do.

And miraculously he finds the second one (the shy one) in the back with also a heart beat and the same measurements.

WHAT?!!! What about the clots though I ask???? They were huge!

He slowly goes over the complete area and finds a third area. Not a sac with a yolk. But some area that he thinks might be a ... blood clot? Or I ask if it's possible it was a 3rd that might have not made it to even the beginning stages. He was the one that said that I probably would ovulate about 3 eggs. He said possibly, and measured the area and said they would watch it to make sure it does not increase. But he said for now it's not hindering the growth of the two pregnancies.

We discussed how ironically my bleeding increased when I cut my progesterone down and he has me back up on the 400 vaginally a day. And that I should take it easy. He asked if I could take a week off but that's not really possible with my job so he wrote me a note to take half days. This should be interesting since no one at work, least of all my boss knows I'm pregnant. And with my rap sheet why would I want to tell them? Please 6 weeks along? You've got to be kidding...this could end up a million different ways at this point.

I was sent on my way and my next ultra sound is now in a week next Tuesday. And I've been watching House Hunters and the Baby Story all day long to pass the time in between getting some ice cream. I figured the babies should be rewarded in some way for having heart beats at least! Ironically enough the bleeding has subsided and knock on wood there have been no additional clots passed and I'm back down to just a touch of dried dark brown blood occasionally. Let's hope this is the end of this escapade.

And that's how my Tuesday has been. Does the drama ever stop I ask? Does it ever stop?

6 Weeks 2 Days - Ultra Sound Details

And so there they are. It was difficult to get a picture of both of them in a clear manner because one is sort of hiding behind the other. Or at least in a lower part of my uterus. The one on the right dr. frozen embryo calls the shy one. Not because it was any smaller or a less stronger heart beat. Both I were told measuring exactly the same. But the one on the right is sort of located in the back. Both pretty much look like just a mere sushi blip on the radar but when he zoomed in, there were indeed heart beats. I was completely amazed. Especially with the spotting, which has gone on intermittently and still continues and the second major concern, which is the lack of morning sickness. I mean twins normally means puking your brains out doesn't it? Yet I still haven't. I felt a slight increase of nausea yesterday and I have to be super careful of what I eat and how much, but beyond that nothing. And it freaks me out to no end.

Although I do find it unusual that I crave a combination of different food craving that I've craved in different pregnancies. For example my first pregnancy I really thought it was a boy...because all I craved was mac and cheese, comfort food and occasionally some meat. Then the second pregnancy I was plagued with the desire for less heavy foods...I just had to have fatoush salad and babaganosh (sorry I don't know how to spell it, just eat it). This time I was dying for steak on Friday. And today I want the fatoush salad. It's like they've both returned and are dueling over my stomach. Today I sat in front of the fridge for a good minute or two feeling like peanut butter and jelly one minute and a soft pretzel and cheese the next. Of course then the next second I felt nauseated and wanted nothing.

I also find that the gatorade and anything sour helps immensely when it's gets to be too much. Last night while keeping mr. sushinut company at dinner, I could only stomach a few tangerine shrimp, but hauled in the wonton soup and ginger chicken salad (must have been the ginger) and completely attacked the sliced oranges at the end of the dinner. I never eat those! But oh they tasted amazing! *Note to self, sushi nuggets need orange juice.

Which brings me to one thing they both have in common. Which is the most ironic of all....

Neither one likes sushi! Well how in the world can that be! What kind of ungrateful children am I bringing into the world? I went to sushi last weekend (only ate "cooked shrimp and veggie rolls") and to be totally honest it didn't do much for me. It even made me feel nauseated. The little buggers are siding me against my own namesake for crying out loud!

Oh well they may not know any better and besides if I did constantly feel like raw mercury laden fish all the time it might be an issue. So maybe they know better after all.

Well viable or not, I'm picking up some preggy pops for work this week. Although I'm not puking my brains out it's enough to make me feel pretty icky.

On to other more important details of the appt.

I was so incredibly nervous by the time the appt. rolled around in the afternoon that I had only had some fruit during the day because I was so nervous to eat. I had worried myself to the point that I was for sure not pregnant or that it was ectopic. I was freaked about so much that before I went to the appointment I made all sorts of arrangements for the worse. I tried to get as much work done as possible so that I wouldn't need to focus so much when I returned because I knew I wouldn't be in the mood. I put an extra pack of tissues in my jacket pocket, one in my car on the front seat before I parked at the doctor's office and one in my purse. Made sure to bring my sunglasses in so that in case I was in the midst of hysterics I would have some sort of shield for my tears. And a million other things. Anyone who's had bad news in a dr.'s office pretty much knows the drill.

I was the only one in the waiting room when I came in because I was the first appt. after lunch. She brought me in and the nurse said to me "So this is the first ultrasound huh? Very exciting!" I just mumbled "yeah uh huh" thinking why are you so cheery lady? Don't you know?! Today is the day I find out I'm a failure for the 5th time. I feel like I'm a prisoner on death row walking the plank. No, this is not exciting! I knew that the next few minutes were going to change the rest of my life.

And boy was I right...but for all the wrong reasons.

We discussed many things after seeing the heart beats. Like the spotting. I asked why again after seeing the heartbeats and mr. frozen embryo said it was common with twins. I wanted to ask why but there were other questions I had in regards to the measurements so I chose not to continue to badger. He wanted to take me completely off the progesterone, claiming that I clearly am producing my last count of 50+ on my own. And reminded me that anything taken vaginally does not show up on blood tests (I've read this as well) and that there is obviously no need. I counter offered to take it down to half and see how my test results are next week. He was fine with that so I'm down to only 200 mg progesterone a day. And now that we saw heart beats I was to stop my medrol completely. Honestly I was always unsure of exactly why I was taking this but then he told me in my case it was due to my issue with my elevated ANA levels (which in some people means the possibility of lupus but not in my case). People with this issue have problems with blood clotting and I guess the medrol helps this. As does the baby aspirin which I still remain off until my spotting stops completely.

Oh and for those of you with septum issues, you're probably wondering if I asked the #1 question. Are one of the babies near where the septum used to be. The answer (as I assumed would be since there is not a ton of room with two) was yes, unfortunately. It's the shy sushi nugget on the right that is by the septum area. And thus this remains a major concern for me of course. Because the big question in my book is "is it really all gone?" But only time will answer that question.

As for mr. sushinut, he couldn't take the news about the twins and has since left me.

Just kidding! Just checking to see if you're still paying attention this far :) Surprisingly he was extremely calm and happy and joked...well I knew you had two breasts for some reason. He seems surprisingly comfortable with this news and keeping in stride and excited and carefree. Unlike me who is still freaking out over every little thing.

Next ultra sound is in 1 week which is next Friday.

An Heir and a Spare

Two words ... good ultrasound.

I seriously can't believe it. By this afternoon I had talked myself into the worst. But it totally spun me around and was what I least expected.

...And if you haven't guessed already by the title of this post, the grand prize goes to Newt who's been predicting the whole thing right, all along...

Twins.

Not that of course one would be considered a spare if you will. They'd be always be treated equally if they do make it. It's just crazy for me to wrap my head around successfully having 1 child yet two...And now mind you...I know as well as aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall of you...twins now...do not necessarily mean twins later. ESPECIALLY, in my uterus. But it's always nice to know that there was once a chance.

We saw two sacs, two yolks, and believe it or not...two heartbeats. Each measuring exactly 6 weeks. And each or so my RE says have equally strong heartbeats....for now.

Of course I have the picture, which I will post later tonight.

I still haven't told mr. sushinut. I'll have to break it to him gently. He's not a man that likes to rush into things...like doubling your family immediately. But I know he'll be beyond happy when he gets over the shock.

Dr. frozen embryo said these look like winners and congratulated me. I was fine until he said that and then I broke down and cried. He and you guys are probably the few that know what it's been like...and how much hope these two embies hold.

More of a detailed update later...

Thank you again for all your prayers and well wishes. They always hold a special place in my heart.

6 Weeks - Ultrasound Day

So I will have my ultrasound later this afternoon.
I'm scared to death of course.

Part of me wants to know, part of me doesn't. I've still been spotting off and on throughout the week. It stopped for a day or two and this morning it's back. It's so strange too. Just brown watery discharge. What does that mean? I can't remember (or don't want to remember) if this is how my first miscarriage started. It was so long ago and I naively believed it was normal too. I just keep remembering how concerned my ob was when she heard I had been spotting. Although my REs office didn't seem concerned. They just said it was common. So where does that leave me?

Leaves me with an ultrasound at 2:15 is where it leaves me. I'll update as soon as I can.

5 Weeks 4 Days

Thank you so much for all your kind words of support and suggestions!
A lot of good info there! I had no idea you could see if a gestational sac was breaking down or not in an ultra sound but it makes sense. I've decided to just stick it out this week and have my ultrasound on Friday (although it has moved from morning to afternoon due to surgeries as expected). Hopefully all will go well the rest of the week... Thanks also for the info on the antibiotics. I feel much better about taking them now. And someone had a very wonderful suggestion of writing letters to the baby, which I quite honestly just never thought of...but what a wonderful idea that is. I think I'll try it this week. Thanks again for the wonderful suggestions and comments. I know this is going to be a day by day thing.

So to update everyone, I called my RE's office yesterday about the spotting and they said the same thing I knew they would say. "Perfectly normal, don't worry". Blah blah blah. Easier said than done. They did though suggest for me to stop my baby aspirin since that tends to increase spotting. And then once the spotting stops to start it up again (doesn't that defeat the purpose? But I guess they know better). So last night I didn't take it and although I was spotting all yesterday afternoon (still dark brown to light brown almost watery like) I didn't spot once during the 10 hours of sleep I had. So this either means a) it was the lack of aspirin that helped. Or b) that I just need to be on bed rest in order to not spot. Because after I got up and moved around and had breakfast I spotted a little again. But all through today it's been pretty minor to none. So hopefully this is subsiding.

Although again with the symptoms, I was able to eat some pizza and salad at lunch today with no nausea issues. I'm not sure though if it was my new found friend Gatorade or just the fact that my symptoms are subsiding. All last night I dreamt of the drink and I thought this morning, I'm going to get me some of that! It's a little lemony and helps with the stomach while hydrating and after doing some research this morning on dr. google found that some drs recommend it to their patients. So although I'm not drinking it solely as my main form of hydration, I have been sipping on a cup today at work and it seems to have worked like a charm. Unless of course my symptoms are just diminishing, which is very possible as well.

Some more symptoms I forgot to list yesterday: (more for my on ease of mind than anything)

• Breast tenderness - still a little bit but comes and goes. I honestly didn't have breast tenderness at all with my first non-progesterone pregnancy so I'm thinking this is just the progesterone.
• Gassy - I have been very burpy lately and never usually have to burp.
• Constipated - still am from day one although I've been eating lots of fruit so it's not downright as terrible as I know it can be. Sorry for the tmi.
• fatigue update - not as fatigued today as I have been but that might be because I've stepped up the sleep to 10 hours since I'm training someone at work and I obviously can't fall asleep on the job. So we'll see how that goes.
• Ligament pain - had one major one this morning when I got up and that was pretty much all day.

And this morning I smelled waffles in my bathroom. Although none were actually cooking. Hmmm. At least the smell selection is getting better.

5 Weeks 3 Days

Time is crawling by excruciatingly slow.

Just 3 more sleeps until my ultra sound (which may end up being moved anyhow because the doctor may need to do surgery that day) and I'm scared to death as to what they will see or not see. I'll be 6 weeks exactly on Friday. Do you think if it was there, it would be late enough to see a heart beat?

And last night...I spotted once...a very light brown. Just a little. Sort of looked like some CM mixed with light brown spotting. And it stopped me in my tracks. Since then I've been on paranoid TP check and have just had one bit more of brown this morning. Since then (crossing fingers, knocking on wood) it hasn't continued. Although I'm thinking that maybe it hasn't had a chance to trickle down because I've jammed so much progesterone up there that it doesn't have a chance to spot more.

I'm wondering if I should call my RE, although I know that there's nothing that can be done this early. I haven't really been cramping at all except for about a week ago at 4 weeks when I noticed that I only cramped at night and usually when I had to pee or right after. I thought this might be a uti so I had a test done last week and sure enough it came out quite strong on the test. I was put on antibiotics immediately and of course they always say the same thing...there's no cause for concern it will not harm the baby. But with my first pregnancy I had the same issue and it was about at the exact time I started taking the antibiotic that the baby's heart stopped beating. Of course now I know it was probably because of the septum but I can't help but compare the two episodes. Even worse what if the loss was due to the UTI? What if I didn't catch this one in time? The first night I started taking my antibiotics I had a terrible stomach ache when ever I moved swiftly or bent over. It was like a stomach ache combined with cramps combined with nausea and fever all at once. And then as soon as I straightened up and relaxed it all disappeared as soon as it came. It scared the crap out of me that first night that I almost woke mr. sushinut to take me to the emergency room. But luckily it subsided. I later looked at the medication and noticed it says to take with a whole glass of water and food, of which I did neither. So I'm hoping that was the reason behind the weird stomach issue that night.

Since then I've really felt completely fine until the stupid spotting last night. I know that some cramping and spotting is completely normal but in my case neither is a good sign in my own situation at least. I don't know if I'll be able to even wait until Friday to find out what's up.
Half the time I think my symptoms aren't strong enough, the other times I'm convinced I have an ectopic. I just want the madness to stop.

As for other symptoms this is pretty much all I've got so far:

• Fatigue - I've been sleeping no less than 9 1/2 hours a night. And if I can sneak it in I'll take a nap too. Yesterday I felt like a complete slug I just couldn't shake my fatigue. Even after a nap I felt like I needed another.
• Loss of appetite - now I'm not saying nausea. I'm just saying I never feel like eating. It's weird. This is totally not me. And if I do eat, I get full extremely quickly. I would say I feel better eating small meals often but even if I eat a small meal I don't really feel like eating again. Which is a real pain in the @ss because I have to eat in order to take my antibiotics. And I keep forgetting to take them with my meals, so I have to eat again when I take them! Ugh. Usually I feel just slightly nausea or loss of appetite first thing in the morning. Which brings me to...
• Increased thirst - it's weird...I won't feel like eating at all but I'll be super super thirsty especially in the morning. But when I drink my water I feel slightly sick to my stomach. Anyone have experience with this? I noticed that when I eat something sour it helps a little. I want to buy some of those Preggy p0ps but am too scared that this pregnancy won't take and that I'll be stuck with something else to remind me of my failure. How ridiculous is that? Preggy Pops are for pregnant women who have viable pregnancies. And no one's confirmed that for me yet.
  
• Ligament pain: this comes and goes, which also scares the crap out of me since this is the first thing that goes when I lose a pregnancy. Is it weird that I feel this with every pregnancy even before I sometimes test? Very weird.
• Super sensitive smells - I wanted to go for a manicure yesterday but am a little leery since I've had issues with this before. So I tested myself first before going with putting some polish on my nails before I left. The smell was super super strong and felt that it probably wouldn't be good at the salon if it was really affecting me at home. Not to mention I swear I smell broccoli in one of our bathrooms. I'm just saying.