The Summer of Nuggets

Tomorrow starts the last week of my maternity leave before I go back to work. I am so completely sad. I really didn't think I would ever say that but I am. If you would have asked me if I would feel this way a few months ago I would have told you I was crazy. I would have given anything to be able to get out into the real world and done anything non-baby. Not that I didn't love my babies it was just a bit much being with them 24/7. But now that they've grown and are becoming so much more verbal and active and less reliant on me on a minute to minute basis I miss them. I know I'm not cut out to be a stay at home mom...nor can I afford to be one. But looking back at these four months brings a lot of wonderful memories. Memories that I'm positive I will never forget. I knew this going in...I would tell myself...this is the only time I'm ever going to be able to spend at home with them when they are this little. And I truly tried to relish it but it doesn't make this next week any easier.

They are still transitioning into daycare and have done so wonderfully. Because I've done it slowly all month long they love their daycare. Quite honestly I think they are bored when I keep them at home. So I've been sending them for 4 days a week these last 2 weeks so that they can have fun and that I can get things done. But I miss them so much. On the one day they stay home we do fun things like go to the neighborhood gardens or if it's too hot go to visit an indoor mall. They love getting out and seeing all the people and getting attention. And at the gardens they love just spreading out on the grass (see picture above).

To be honest I don't even know if I would be cut out to be a stay at home mom. I've found that because I am going back to work I've found myself in a sort of strange type of place with other moms. Other moms that work are basically back at work...and stay at home moms have already started forming their own play groups. But most that I know especially in my twins club tend to forget about me because I'm going back to work soon and so maybe they feel it's a waste of time to get to know me. I've tried to invite them to outings that I take the nuggets to but they often have their own plans and invite me but in all honestly it sounds not as quite as exciting as what I had planned so I go my own way. And the nuggets and I have a nice day to ourselves.

On another note in regards to friends I've had a weird sort of experience with all of my old non-parent friends. Most assumed I would never be heard from again after my twins were born but I've made a conscience effort to reach out to them over and over to do things and they either aren't available or don't get back to me. And it's not like I'm one of those moms who's constantly talking about their kids. I make it a point to basically only ask them questions about what is going on in their lives. It's just so irritating. I guess maybe everyone has their own reason. So my non parent friends are not available...doing their own thing, the new mom friends have joined their own groups and I'm left sort of in this twilight zone between being at home with my nuggets and waiting to get back to work. It's quite a weird place to be I tell you. So I'm thinking going back to work may not be such a bad idea.

My to do list is a mile long this coming week. I have no idea how I'll get through it. And to top it all off I'm so incredibly torn with sending the nuggets to day care to get it done or to keep them home more this week to spend time with them. It's just a really hard transition for me...as I'm assuming it is for all moms. Sigh. So for now I'm trying to dearly hang on to all those wonderful new baby memories. The weeks just after they got home from the hospital when everything was new for them and for us. As well as look forward to all that will be coming up with them. I know there will be big changes for us all next year and am so looking forward to them but for now I am fondly remembering these first quiet summer days of just me and the nuggets.

Operation Hair

So since my last post I've been doing some intense post pregnancy hair loss research (after all I no longer have infertility to research so I've got to have something to obsess about) and as with infertility I'm sure I've over done things.

I've heard that there may or may not be some vitamins that can help with lacking nutrients in one's diet that could cause increased hair loss. And so like everything infertility-wise I've gone compulsive as well.

This weekend in addition to my usual prenatals, which I'm still taking I've added some biotin (supposedly makes the hair grow) along with some MSM (never heard of this before but apparently when paired with Biotin it's some super growing solution, along with some Vitamin E (for a shiny "coat"), along with some extra iron (supposedly a lack of iron in the diet of some women post pregnancy can really make shedding extreme - and lord knows I've lost my share of blood with the forever on going bleeding for months), and last but not least tossed in some Vitamin C to boot (which supposedly increases growth as well). I held off on the protein and milk thistle (which is supposed to work in conjunction with the protein) but who knows...next week I may be adding that as well.

Too much do you think?

Ummm yeah I figured so...but I'm giving it all I got. I figure either this intense shedding will stop or I'll have the healthiest, glossiest hair (and yes I do mean just one hair) on my head that anyone's ever seen. I'm sure the wig store will be in awe when they see it.

I found all suggestions (and sympathetic messages) a great deal of help. Thank you. And I'll probably go for that super great cut some day. But right now I'm so in fear that if I go to any salon they'll just butcher my hair by combing it and having it all fall out. Right now I comb it ever so gently in hopes that I don't lose as much (which of course does not make for a neat style. For not only is my hair falling out but it's also turned insanely curly and frizzy. I have hair that's a cross between a rat's nest and an Afro ... lovely. I love when I'm pushing along my double stroller with the nuggets because at least people (well most) will think ... oh yes she was just pregnant so she's losing all her hair because of that...but when I'm without them I just look like some woman going bald. I wish I could take them everywhere!

The other plan of attack is to call my ob and beg for some estrogen. Not sure how that exactly works but I've heard that in some cases when the body is trying to correct it's self a hormone deficiency happens and that is why some women lose more hair than others. I read about one woman who had an ob that prescribed estrogen to correct this. So we'll see what my ob says. Hopefully she won't shoot me down.

As I mentioned to A at Infertility Bites I feel like such a heel talking about this trivial matter when there's so many other women out there dealing with much more important matters but I guess that's what a blog is for to post about what ever you're dealing with at the moment.

At least I'm getting a tad more sleep. The nuggets are sleeping between 4-5 hours a shift a night! That's like pure bliss I tell you. I am completely grateful. Now if I can please have my hair back damn it... and I swear I won't complain about a single thing...well not until teething starts at least.

Bad Hair Day

(Fair warning - this post is rather shallow)

So with all this baby talk I've really not touched on how I'M doing following this successful pregnancy. I'm so happy that thankfully (knock on wood) all is fine with my nuggets and they are growing and thriving. As for me I've been blessed with the ability to easily go down about 15 pounds less than my pre-pregnancy weight. Of course what you call "pre pregnancy weight" is questionable. Was that this pregnancy? Or the last 4? Friends and people that know me have noticed. "Wow, you've really lost a lot of weight. Seriously... a lot" they say. All I say is yes thanks. I mean I'm still no skinny minnie to say the least since I'm still over weight. But it was nice to lose all that so quickly. I couldn't believe my own eyes when they weighed me at my first post op appt. But low and behold I had lost 30 pounds already. Whoo hoo! Also all my swelling has gone down and my foot issues have all disappeared thankfully. But now a new issue. I knew this could happen but I guess it's so surprising how quickly it started and is increasing. I'm losing my hair...I mean A LOT of hair. I know it's all just extra hair that grew and didn't fall blah blah blah blah. But seriously...with my borderline lupus issue I already had thin hair to begin with. If this continues I just may be bald. I mean I've heard of wash and go hair styles but this is ridiculous! My hair is rather long but I really can't cut it short like some women because of this really retarded bell shape my hair falls into. I had the "Dorthy H@mel" cut for years as a kid and trust me it did nothing for me. I'm continuing my prenatal vitamins and even including extra iron since I had been bleeding for such a long time (more on that fabulous topic some other time). But still to no avail every morning I lose more and more.

So my question to all of you moms who have gone through this is how long does this process take? And when will it stop???? I know there are bigger things to worry about and hate to seem shallow but seriously it's so depressing. I go back to work in 3 weeks and am afraid to even get my hair colored in fear that the chemicals will just make the remaining hair fall out! Eeek! Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

100 Days

All through pregnancy I was told by my twins club as well as the nurses in my baby classes to count 100 days from the day of birth and mark a big fat "X" on our calendar. Starting from this date of 100 days the whole baby experience was supposed to get a lot easier. So one day I counted and wouldn't you know it our 100 days landed on 4th of July! A celebration of Independence from my needy new nuggets and the country?! How coincidental!

Well this last weekend on the 4th we celebrated 100 days of the nuggets with close friends and family. It was truly a great time. I'm not going to lie, everyone thought I was nuts for wanting to host a park bbq picnic with twins in tow. Including my husband. But luckily for me he knows better to argue :)

Overall I was exhausted at the end but am so happy I did this. We even went around to everyone with a video camera and asked them to offer life advice to the nugs past 100 days. The advice ranged from sage advice of grandma "to always love each other and never fight" to comical advice from grandpa of "If you love a girl 'boy nugget" the way to her heart is a good restaurant."

So has these post 100 days been any easier? Well, mr. sushinut and I definitely feel it is much easier than the first 30 days but I'm not sure if we've hit full on "walk in the park" status quite yet, let's say.

Everyday I see them I am awed by their existence despite the taxing effort of them both I can't believe how lucky I am to have them here with me. The month of July also marks an important anniversary for me, being the first successful month of pregnancy. It was just a year ago around this time that I successfully became pregnant with the little nuggets and I will always look back fondly on this time. Of course at that time my mind was racing with doubt and anxiety but I had come a long way and as we all do, I hung on to hope. And this time hope came through.

And so how are the nuggets doing now? Well both are smiling up a storm which completely melts our hearts. Especially in the morning they are so incredibly happy. We call it "morning smiles" and if you get up to late you just might miss them! They are both starting to "talk" more. And Girl Nugget has officially found her grasp on things. They are both eager to sit up, "pretend walk" and "pretend stand" with our assistance. I did finally get them into our day care of choice and am so happy I have them there despite the expense. We have been transitioning them about 3 days a week for a few hours a day and they are doing wonderfully. Not to mention I'm enjoying the time catching up on my errands...and hope to one day soon use this time to catch up on sleep!

They STILL do not sleep through the night and get up at least for two feedings. But I have high hopes that this will soon diminish. Or at least I hope it will once I start work in August. But for now I'm just enjoying these early days of smiles and giggles from them and trying to take in every little baby breath. I am truly a lucky individual.