Thank you again everyone for thoughtfully posting advice in my comments area. Rachel I can't believe you were so together for listing every single detail about the days leading up to your miscarriage. It was extremely helpful to hear your experience and I'm sure it has helped so many other bloggers reading. Since mine was quite a surprise and my body had not given me a clue that something was wrong, I don't even know if there would be anything for me to have written about last time. Maybe this one will be different.
And thanks Meg for letting me know about the drug they offer. I've heard a little about that but don't think I read a lot on it. I'm wondering if this will be an option my obgyn will offer me this time. I really think she suggested the D&C last time because I had been carrying it for awhile already and nothing was happening.
At some moments I feel miscarrying at home would be so much easier and other times I'm just scared to death. Honestly I can't even believe I'm sitting here on a Saturday night pondering the right way to miscarry. Joy. Anyways I guess we'll be able to tell more on Monday, if the beta test results are back.
So far everything I'm reading about my low hcg points to a chemical pregnancy but I just don't understand why my body hasn't given it up yet, since I've read that chemical pregnancy miscarriages often happen extremely early like 4-5 weeks and now I'm already on 6 weeks. Hmmm. very strange.
Any how today again I've had no spotting and no cramping. Just a few twingy pains down there but nothing major. My breasts felt a spark of tenderness throughout the day and last night I had the worst night sweats ever. But I know too well that this is probably just (what little I have) hormones still in my body. Although I have to admit I've had several daydreams that I'm the one woman out there that will carry a healthy child even with a low hcg. Or that by some freak chance my blood levels were incorrectly reported. Like the person recording them was interrupted for a second and was asked what he wanted for lunch and he forgot to put like 3 numbers following my first two or something. Ha!
Anyways today was a rather busy day. My husband had me out all day doing all kinds of stuff (I think to make sure I have my mind off this) and we had fun doing some shopping, walking around looking at fancy houses in Beverly Hills and some other places we hadn't been in a while. So I'm feeling pretty okay about things right at this instant. I pretty much feel I can't really do anything about this and was is meant to happen will. Of course this will probably all be down the drain tomorrow as soon as I have time to feel sorry for myself.
Also in case anyone was wondering I did try going to the pharmacy but he never showed. Which means that I will need to pick the progesterone up first thing Monday morning and administer it at work. Joy. Can't wait until Monday is finished. Hell how about all next week.
Speaking of next week, I've already decided that I'm taking next Friday off and calling in sick. The hubby has moved around his work schedule so he can attend the ultrasound with me and be there for any advice the doctor has. I'm calling this "Operation Miscarriage" I just know that there's no way this time I can go back to work after hearing (and seeing) once again that my pregnancy was lost. At least this time I wouldn't have seen a heart beat already. Last time I swear I don't even know how I got it together, returned to work the same day and led and attended like 5 meetings later that day. If anyone had known that I just found out I lost my pregnancy at what was already supposed to be 12 weeks they would have thought I was crazy. Inside I was a basket case. And I intend to be alone in my home comfortable and a basket case this time. Hell it's right before a 3 day weekend anyway we'll probably get out early.
And by the way everyone, thanks for not thinking my "emergency kit" was crazy. My husband found the urine container in a bag in my purse but didn't ask what it was about. I know I seem like a sad case carrying around my "miscarriage" kit. But I just feel safer and in control more with it. It was also helpful to be reminded that a natural miscarriage will probably have a lot of warning before it happens. (I don't know why I thought that poof! one second I would be in a meeting and one second I would be miscarrying in the bathroom - although maybe that has happened to someone out there). And it's true if my doctor does give me the tablet drug to induce the miscarriage I can make sure all is ready at home. I wonder if I can take a tylenol with codeine at the same time with it. Hmmm. That would be lovely.
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4 comments:
First time by and I wanted to say that I am so sorry about your losses. I have had several "chemical" pregnancies (HATE, HATE, HATE that word) as well as a missed miscarriage at 11 weeks after seeing the heartbeat. For me, the chemical losses were almost more difficult. I felt so cheated. I felt like the doctors were saying that there was nothing to be upset about because the betas were so low. Well, after a positive pregnancy test, a girl just starts dreaming and hoping. And it is the death of those hopes and dreams that hurt so much.
If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me through e-mail.
Thinking of you....
I too am sorry for your losses. I've had to have a D&C at 19 weeks due to the baby dying, three miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy that resulted in loosing my right fallopian tube. My most recent miscarriage, in December, was at 7 weeks. I passed at home and physically it wasn't difficult. My doctor prescribed Tylenol with Codine but I didn't need to take it. Also, I don't want you to think what I am going to say next is crass, but most of the time, any tissue you pass at home is untestable by the time it gets to a lab--that is what my doctor told me.
When you are ready to get pregnant again, I would recommend that you get your doctor to start testing your hCG and Progesterone from day 1 of the positive test. That's what I do and my doctor tests every other day. Also, in the first few days, the STAT the bloodwork so I have it back the same day.
Just some thoughts...
I'll be thinking of you.
I guess the reason I was able to take good notes is because I was so frustrated that none of the books I read prepared me for my experience. I have sonce learned that everyone's experience is unique. If you do miscarry naturally, I strongly recommend pain medication of some sort.
You have really been on my mind the past few days. I really hope that the lab work was wrong!
Also, I can't believe you went back to work the same day. I had trouble going back after 3 days.
I, too, am hoping you are one of those women that has a low beta and that the news tomorrow will be good. I will be checking your page all day tomorrow. Please know that we are all thinking of you.
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