So I'm now onto my 2nd official try after my D&C, 3rd if you count the KY "experiment". And the race is off to a grand 'ol start. Basically I'm pretty sure that nothing exciting is happening down there because of several things:
1) For whatever reason I just didn't feel like I ovulated this month. I mean I think I did. The ovulation pee stick said I did. And my temp dropped really strangely on day 12. Which was weird but then again this is the first time I'm doing the charting thing. All I do is find myself looking bewildered again again at the damn grid and thinking...how can I create the most complex excel chart with formulas and such at work and yet this...I can't figure out. Whatever, I'm just connecting the dots at this point and hoping that something makes sense at some point, preferably before I turn 40. Oh wait, I was supposed to talk about why I didn't think I ovulated. Oh yeah. So anywhoos, turns out that I think my right ovary is a very quite one compared to my left. I believe it was my left ovary I originally got pregnant with. And it's my left one that always gives me lots of "love" each month it's its turn. I feel the ovary pain (plus extra) and all the other stuff....making me think that something is really happening there when something isn't. So I'm wondering...I wonder if a non-issue ovary is good? Or bad? Maybe the reason it gives my more pains is because there's a cyst there? Or maybe the other one that never gives me pains is because it's lazy and isn't doing a damn thing. Anyways so I'm on my lazy ovary...no I'll call it something nicer...my quiet ovary this month and so my O-period (as we call it back here at the ranch) is quite uneventful. Thus me thinking nothing has happened.
2) I'm not sure but I think my pee stick recognized my ovulation day slightly off from my temp drop. Assuming that is that my temp dropping on that day meant that I ovulated? Oh hell I'm confused about that. But since then I have been going up or staying the same each day so I'm thinking the party is over. Right now we are at 97.6 and counting...I think I dropped to 97.2 that one day I head a very intense headache. Of course it could have been my sinuses...which leads me to #3.
3) Since I live in CA and it's currently Santa Ana Wind season it's freakin dry here. Like super dry...like you can stand outside without moisturizer and burst into flames dry. And so...it's been quite dry EVERY WHERE. If you get my drift. I've never had lack of CM but this month it was like non-existent...except for today which could have been due to last night when I just broke down and used the pre-seed. I know way too much information but hey you're still reading it.
Anyways now on to my "New Outlook" part....
So even though I'm feeling ah not-so-pregnant right now I'm trying a new approach to this trek here. My friend finally broke down and remembered to give me the "Secret" on Friday (I know I know....what a bunch of $#%^$) Bu I watched it and thought you know what? Even if it doesn't work I'm damn tired of feeling like crap every day because of this and waiting to start my life. I've completely stopped checking out baby names and baby clothes and pretty much stayed clear of baby things because I simply wasn't sure if I was going to have one. And I thought we how negative is that? I mean seriously if anything a positive outlook has got to make the road less dark even if the tunnel's light at the end isn't as bright as we would like. And so I am joining the god awful cult of the secret and seeing how this makes me feel. I will be checking out babies names, and clothes, and researching strollers. Because damn it...I'm going to friggen have a baby someday. And that someday may be soon. So why not get started now. Anyways so that's my new found outlook. Let's see how this goes.
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