I'm taking a chance and putting up a new ticker because I think it might be a little counter productive to still have my ttc ticker up. Maybe this will make things more real and even more important go more smoothly than last time. I tried to pick a lucky ticker. Let's hope it works. I would actually like to put up a second ticker to a countdown to 16 weeks, which is when the hubby and I plan to tell people. And not a second sooner. We both agree that going through and calling or emailing individual family and friends about the bad news last time was one of the worst things ever. I personally would rather not have other people know and deal with the grief on my own without the knowing worried glances from family and the uncomfortableness from friends.
Hell, if I could I wouldn't tell anyone until I was 9 months and ready to deliver. "Baby? What baby? I mean I know I've gained weight but geeze it's a little rude to assume I'm pregnant isn't it?" is what I imagine saying at work. Similar to the movie "knocked.up". Where she was in complete denial until her bosses called her in. As a matter of fact if I do or rather WHEN I do get past 16 weeks I think maybe I'll just see how long I can go without telling anyone beyond close friends and family. It might be fun.
Anyhow, it's business as usual around here with constant concern that my breasts aren't hurting enough and constant t.p checks for spotting. I'm taking my progesterone religiously and nuclear war couldn't prevent me from taking it each morning. I question how much it's doing since some of it does leak out. But I gather that the professionals already thought of this and have made adjustments. Oh well. I can't do it all.
I haven't really felt any type of nausea yet but then again last time that didn't start until later and of course we know how that ended. What does one do when all one has to compare to is a non-viable pregnancy? Should I compare? Or not? I know they say all pregnancies are different. But my body is the same...so wouldn't I react some what the same?
Tomorrow's New Year's Eve and we aren't doing anything special. Just going out to dinner with a couple and then we were planning on going to see a movie or going over to my friend's sister n law's for a gathering, which I hope I don't have to go to because then I'm going to have to do the whole no champagne for me and everyone is going to be questioning it. I hate that.
I guess the grass isn't any greener on this side either. Grrrr. When do I get to the green grass?
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Friday, December 28, 2007
Just the Facts Mam...
Wow 3 posts in one day...
sorry for the random posting but these were 3 very different topics and I wanted to make sure that I organized them correctly...because honestly if I'm not calling my doctor, I'm probably organizing something...because that's just how I am.
So on to the important stuff...or so some may say. In this post I will go thru the whole long list of my symptoms right now and also note what I did the same and differently this time. Just because I'm a freak like that. And want to make sure I document this at least for my own purposes. If even one thing helps anyone out then it will be a plus.
What I feel right now as of today 4 Weeks along:
sorry for the random posting but these were 3 very different topics and I wanted to make sure that I organized them correctly...because honestly if I'm not calling my doctor, I'm probably organizing something...because that's just how I am.
So on to the important stuff...or so some may say. In this post I will go thru the whole long list of my symptoms right now and also note what I did the same and differently this time. Just because I'm a freak like that. And want to make sure I document this at least for my own purposes. If even one thing helps anyone out then it will be a plus.
What I feel right now as of today 4 Weeks along:
- Main symptom...very tender breasts....did not have this symptom with first pregnancy until I actually had miscarried already - hmmm strange. And then it only lasted a few days...let's hope this lasts longer. But they are much more tender than my usual pms tenderness and there is some random shooting pain from time to time.
- Highly potent smells. Today I couldn't use a stall in the bathroom at work because the smell almost made me gag. I mean everyone has smelled a bad bathroom at times...but it's got to be really bad to make you gag...and it wasn't...the person even used air freshener after.
- No usual pms cramping: which is a damn good thing at this point I think. My ovaries have actually been quite quiet down there minus that dull pain that went on tonight. And in case anyone has been following along I believe this little gem was created by "the Quiet Ovary" (which is what I call the ovary that rarely gives me grief). At some point I have certainly speculated that the ovary was of no good use because it was so quiet and for that I deeply apologize to my quiet ovary if it indeed is working on a healthy pregnancy. I have always as you know fancied my "noisy" ovary because it gives me pains, which I thought meant it was "working" now I'm wondering if a quiet wheel is a better wheel. Well duh wouldn't that be logical now?
- A little tired but nothing major...last time it really hit me at like 6 weeks.
- A weird additional thing that I am tempted to note. Last week I felt like my fillings on my right side of my mouth were super sensitive...I couldn't even drink cold water or drink anything cold or hot on that side it was so sensitive. Today it was my front teeth. I can't figure out what it is. Could be related...or not... but it's never happened before and I haven't had any dental issues back there recently. Weird.
- Stuffy nose...to which my husband had had to sleep on the sofa at least once due to my snoring. Oh well.
What I did the same this time as last time:
- Opks
- charting thru ff.com (totally recommend it)
- grapefruit juice prior to ovulation (totally recommend it) helps cm.
- minimal if none caffeine
- minimal if none alcohol
- prenatal vitamins EVERY DAY - which let me tell you is damn depressing when you are not with child. The pharmacy I pick these up at every month is far past giving me the eye already...I can already hear them, "lady you come in each month to pick these up and NEVER look pregnant...when are you going to get a hint?" It's almost a constant reminder that I am without child and although I have often felt foolish taking them (for all 7 months since my D&C without fail) I continue to take them faithfully each night anyhow in hopes that a fetus will benefit from them someday.
- Pre-seed with almost each intercourse.
What I did different this time:
- fertility diet: Okay I'm not saying the book works...and I'm not saying it doesn't. But I did start eating more dairy, more wheat, and more greens like Kale. The verdict is still out on this puppy but I say if it makes you healthier why not...not to mention their banana smoothie ROCKS...I had it this morning and it was sooooooooooo good. So if you are planning on investing in it...at least there are some yummy recipes in the back..to which I still plan to use.
- A different intercourse pattern. Okay maybe tmi but instead of doing the skip a night thing we just tried the 2 nights pre-ovulation, skipped o-night and 1 night after. FF.com gave me a "high" rating for my intercourse pattern...again a great website if you want more info about your personal situation than anything you can find online in general discussion areas.
- Okay now this only dawned on me a couple of days ago and quite frankly I'm really embarrassed to list this. But I want to be honest and so I will. You take from it what you want. I'm not saying it's what made things work and I'm not saying it didn't. I'm just stating the facts...as my title says.
This time...and only this time...each time I had intercourse, I waited my 20 minutes lying down and then I found a quiet place by a wall (outside of the bedroom so my husband wouldn't think I was nuts) and inverted myself. Do you know what I mean? In Yoga I absolutely love a position we call inversions at the end of the class that we do when we are winding down from our work out. Now I always remembered that the teacher would say that you should not do this if you are menstruating (which was really embarrassing because then if you weren't doing it everyone knew you were on the rag). I guess it was due to the blood flowing the wrong way or something.
So I thought one night...what if I used this to help me get all the semen flowing the right way? I had no idea if it would work, nor do I now but if anything, I thought it a good reason to try out my inversion exercise at home. Because I'm lazy and a terrible step by step writer here is a link if anyone is interested. I believe I stayed up there for about 15 minutes...the same amount of time I would do in yoga. Ommmmmmmmmm. http://yoga.about.com/od/yogaposes/a/legsup.htm
And that's all I can really think for now...I mean I tried to drink as much decaf green tea as I could but it really wasn't consistently and that's really about it. If I remember anything else earth shattering I will certainly update the list.
Thanks for those of you who didn't shut your laptop down after my whole yoga position part :) Truly I did it...what a crazy bunch of nuts we women can be huh? If anyone has any questions too random or embarrassing feel free to post them. I've obviously lost all pride months ago.
Dec. 28th 1st Pregnancy Due Date
Dear Little One,
Today was supposed to be your birthday. I'm not sure how to write this letter but I do know that we are still eagerly awaiting your arrival and love you more than life itself. We miss you everyday. We want more than anything to be your parents and to hold you and love you...and until that day comes we will hold you in our hearts. You have grandparents and parents and uncles and aunts that can't wait til you get here. Come back to us soon.
Love,
Mommy and Daddy
(I know this post might sound a little strange, I've never really written anything on my position on this topic, but ever since I can remember I have always felt that children lost before their time (especially in utero) always make their way back. Even if it's a different body I feel the soul always returns. I've felt this way about any of my friends who have lost a child through miscarriage and I feel this way about my own child lost. I guess that is why I never let go of a balloon to say goodbye or buried something...mainly because I truly feel that my first born is still that to be...my first born. I know this might sound strange to certain people and seem as though I can't really move on, but in my heart I feel this is the way things are meant to be. I have always felt that our bodies are just a form but a soul remains forever. And so this is the letter I send to my little one to be and that was meant to be. Because I know that even though its body...or possibly my body could not bring it to life the first time, I'm willing to try again and hope that it's willing to try again.
Not saying that this works for everyone, but I encourage you to think about it...what if this was really the case? What differences would this make in the life you've lived so far...and continue to live?)
Today was supposed to be your birthday. I'm not sure how to write this letter but I do know that we are still eagerly awaiting your arrival and love you more than life itself. We miss you everyday. We want more than anything to be your parents and to hold you and love you...and until that day comes we will hold you in our hearts. You have grandparents and parents and uncles and aunts that can't wait til you get here. Come back to us soon.
Love,
Mommy and Daddy
(I know this post might sound a little strange, I've never really written anything on my position on this topic, but ever since I can remember I have always felt that children lost before their time (especially in utero) always make their way back. Even if it's a different body I feel the soul always returns. I've felt this way about any of my friends who have lost a child through miscarriage and I feel this way about my own child lost. I guess that is why I never let go of a balloon to say goodbye or buried something...mainly because I truly feel that my first born is still that to be...my first born. I know this might sound strange to certain people and seem as though I can't really move on, but in my heart I feel this is the way things are meant to be. I have always felt that our bodies are just a form but a soul remains forever. And so this is the letter I send to my little one to be and that was meant to be. Because I know that even though its body...or possibly my body could not bring it to life the first time, I'm willing to try again and hope that it's willing to try again.
Not saying that this works for everyone, but I encourage you to think about it...what if this was really the case? What differences would this make in the life you've lived so far...and continue to live?)
Day 3 ...Damn it where is my dark line?
Today I woke up at 4a and immediately made my way to the bathroom to poas. The line from the exact same type of test was pretty much the same...no darker.
My husband says this is just fine, and I want to believe him.
Please let everything go okay. My plan now is to wait until New Years day before taking another test. Don't know what that is going to tell me but I'm hoping it will be darker. Why do I have this compulsion with the darkness of tests?
Meanwhile back at the ranch I was way too busy today at work to bother with another freak out and call my dr. Thank God. I'm sure I'll have more time to freak out this weekend.
Thanks for all the kind thoughts about this being normal :)
My husband says this is just fine, and I want to believe him.
Please let everything go okay. My plan now is to wait until New Years day before taking another test. Don't know what that is going to tell me but I'm hoping it will be darker. Why do I have this compulsion with the darkness of tests?
Meanwhile back at the ranch I was way too busy today at work to bother with another freak out and call my dr. Thank God. I'm sure I'll have more time to freak out this weekend.
Thanks for all the kind thoughts about this being normal :)
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Day 2...Operation Freakout
First off thanks so much Meg for your comment. I wish we could go for a celebratory smoothie as well! Well I can always post a recipe in here and we can enjoy our smoothies together yet separately! :)
So Day 2 of knowing I'm PG and the whole idea of not going into freakazoid worrying crazy woman mode didn't quite stick.
Between yesterday and today I've called my doctor a total of 5 times. Yup more than twice a day.
1) To demand I have my progesterone as my doctor told me to. NOW.
2) To ask them to call Cig.na so that I don't have to pay $200 for my progesterone.
3) To make an appt. for my first visit since I forgot to, while demanding my progesterone. Duh.
4) To demand why they didn't call Cig.na so that I wouldn't have to pay out of pocket for my progesterone (to which they they said did but said Cig.na was lying and said they didn't).
5) To ask if I can fly a short distance to Nevada next week (at 5 weeks) and to check again that the earliest I should be seen is at about 7 weeks even though I've had a miscarriage before. (the answer was yes).
Not to mention I've had 4 freakouts so far....
Freak out #1: Reading about the possible birth defects due to the progesterone. I mean I knew about these way before but as my doctor says a cleft palette is fixable...a miscarriage isn't. And what I've found is that the FDA actually makes all progesterones have a generic warning of these birth defects on every type...although it's only the man made progesterone like what is found in birth control that can cause these defects...the natural progesterone which is what I have been prescribed is said not to. That was a good hour our two worrying. Bottom line... if it's going to keep me pregnant than i'm up for it! I feel it's an important part of a healthy pregnancy for me and so does my doctor.
Freak out #2: Was today when all of a sudden I decided to check to see (just for the fun of it) what was said on the Internet about flying during 1st trimester. Of course I found all the scary stuff like it causes miscarriages etc. I mean I will be 5 whole weeks next week when I take my itty bitty flight of 2 hours up to see my dad...if I didn't test yet I wouldn't have even known I was pregnant and wouldn't have checked! But nonetheless I freaked while at work today and alas called my doctor's office once again. After checking, the office told me to not worry, unless I start spotting before then it's completely fine to fly for that short amount of time. BUT WAIT... I had a miscarriage before...does this change things? Checks again...NO...perfectly fine...just call us immediately if you have spotting. Feeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwww. Now I can just agonize whether I'm going to take my progesterone as carry on or checked. I can just picture them confiscating my little tubes and me yelling..."That's the life of my child in there! Take it from me and die minion!!!" I think just to be safe I'm going to carry some on and pack some...but if they take it I swear I'm suing south.west for $200....Unless of course cig.na ever gets back to me.
Freak out #3: Tonight...when (just for the fun of it - I really need to stop trying to have "fun") I decide to use some crappy ass pregnancy test that my husband got from one of his medical offices to see how dark my line is getting. To my horror it was actually more faint!!!! Now, keep in mind, it's a totally different test, with probably a totally different sensitivity level, but none-the-less a break down ensued. Oh and also I noted the expiration date was Sept. '07. NICE. Despite this, I promptly hauled ass to Rite.aid so that I can by the same exact hpt I took yesterday and compare the two. I know that according to peeonastick.com the comparison of lines should not be done and yada yada...but it totally freaked me out. I have somewhat mellowed since earlier tonight and have decided not to take the test until tomorrow morning. Since that's when you are supposed to take hpts...not at night after a days worth of liquids. Joy.
As you can see this will not be an easy journey for me...or for any of you reading this blog for that matter. You didn't know me during my first pregnancy...I started this blog right after my miscarriage. But let me forewarn you...you'll seriously want to slap me around sometimes...and at other times laugh at me....but hey it's my world and this is the hell my brain puts me through at times. So at least be happy that you're in blog land and not in my head...like I am! :)
Oh yes...and one more
Freak out #4: after freaking out about being "less" pregnant. I felt a pain on my left ovary...to which I promptly started reviewing my ectopic pregnancy websites. Sigh. The pain is gone now...and so I finally have a few minutes to do my blog. Sorry I didn't post earlier today but as you can see...I was quite busy thinking of every possible issue that could go wrong. May I remind you this is only day 2.
So Day 2 of knowing I'm PG and the whole idea of not going into freakazoid worrying crazy woman mode didn't quite stick.
Between yesterday and today I've called my doctor a total of 5 times. Yup more than twice a day.
1) To demand I have my progesterone as my doctor told me to. NOW.
2) To ask them to call Cig.na so that I don't have to pay $200 for my progesterone.
3) To make an appt. for my first visit since I forgot to, while demanding my progesterone. Duh.
4) To demand why they didn't call Cig.na so that I wouldn't have to pay out of pocket for my progesterone (to which they they said did but said Cig.na was lying and said they didn't).
5) To ask if I can fly a short distance to Nevada next week (at 5 weeks) and to check again that the earliest I should be seen is at about 7 weeks even though I've had a miscarriage before. (the answer was yes).
Not to mention I've had 4 freakouts so far....
Freak out #1: Reading about the possible birth defects due to the progesterone. I mean I knew about these way before but as my doctor says a cleft palette is fixable...a miscarriage isn't. And what I've found is that the FDA actually makes all progesterones have a generic warning of these birth defects on every type...although it's only the man made progesterone like what is found in birth control that can cause these defects...the natural progesterone which is what I have been prescribed is said not to. That was a good hour our two worrying. Bottom line... if it's going to keep me pregnant than i'm up for it! I feel it's an important part of a healthy pregnancy for me and so does my doctor.
Freak out #2: Was today when all of a sudden I decided to check to see (just for the fun of it) what was said on the Internet about flying during 1st trimester. Of course I found all the scary stuff like it causes miscarriages etc. I mean I will be 5 whole weeks next week when I take my itty bitty flight of 2 hours up to see my dad...if I didn't test yet I wouldn't have even known I was pregnant and wouldn't have checked! But nonetheless I freaked while at work today and alas called my doctor's office once again. After checking, the office told me to not worry, unless I start spotting before then it's completely fine to fly for that short amount of time. BUT WAIT... I had a miscarriage before...does this change things? Checks again...NO...perfectly fine...just call us immediately if you have spotting. Feeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwww. Now I can just agonize whether I'm going to take my progesterone as carry on or checked. I can just picture them confiscating my little tubes and me yelling..."That's the life of my child in there! Take it from me and die minion!!!" I think just to be safe I'm going to carry some on and pack some...but if they take it I swear I'm suing south.west for $200....Unless of course cig.na ever gets back to me.
Freak out #3: Tonight...when (just for the fun of it - I really need to stop trying to have "fun") I decide to use some crappy ass pregnancy test that my husband got from one of his medical offices to see how dark my line is getting. To my horror it was actually more faint!!!! Now, keep in mind, it's a totally different test, with probably a totally different sensitivity level, but none-the-less a break down ensued. Oh and also I noted the expiration date was Sept. '07. NICE. Despite this, I promptly hauled ass to Rite.aid so that I can by the same exact hpt I took yesterday and compare the two. I know that according to peeonastick.com the comparison of lines should not be done and yada yada...but it totally freaked me out. I have somewhat mellowed since earlier tonight and have decided not to take the test until tomorrow morning. Since that's when you are supposed to take hpts...not at night after a days worth of liquids. Joy.
As you can see this will not be an easy journey for me...or for any of you reading this blog for that matter. You didn't know me during my first pregnancy...I started this blog right after my miscarriage. But let me forewarn you...you'll seriously want to slap me around sometimes...and at other times laugh at me....but hey it's my world and this is the hell my brain puts me through at times. So at least be happy that you're in blog land and not in my head...like I am! :)
Oh yes...and one more
Freak out #4: after freaking out about being "less" pregnant. I felt a pain on my left ovary...to which I promptly started reviewing my ectopic pregnancy websites. Sigh. The pain is gone now...and so I finally have a few minutes to do my blog. Sorry I didn't post earlier today but as you can see...I was quite busy thinking of every possible issue that could go wrong. May I remind you this is only day 2.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Take 2, Scene 1...Sushinut Ala Bun
First off thank you so much for all your kind comments. And also your kind thoughts during my last rough patch. I really appreciate it :) The first thing I wanted to do when I got home from work today was post this so that I can share it with all my blogger friends, both lurkers and non :) Because I know you guys are right there with me understanding every fear, anxiety and thrill.
I'm still feeling like this is totally a dream...
I seriously can't believe this happened this month of all months. I am beyond elated! And as my husband says, cautiously optimistic :)
For the last few days as you have known I've been in a rut and had gone into frantic mode thinking that AFs timing would be horrendous and get in the way of a trip planned to visit my dad at the beginning of the year. It really pissed me off because as you know it's a pain to plan ANYTHING when you are TTC. For months I have had to put off a wine tasting weekend because of my cycle. It's just down right depressing to be planning to not do certain things and not be pregnant. If you were to be guaranteed pregnancy then of course you would give up anything...but after giving up everything each month for months on end, it really gets to you.
Anyways, I've basically been praying every night that AF will be delayed just one more day. FF.com basically said I was due to get AF like 2 days ago and then when I passed that day it moved it on me! I was like what the hell????? Is this how it is??? I'm like the cat chasing the mouse? So I decided this morning at 15 DPO or 13 DPO according to FF.com that I would test...solely on the whole progesterone plan. I had a pep talk with myself this morning that if my temps were still high I would test (in order to know if I should call my Dr. for the progesterone prescription - more on that later) ...if they weren't I wouldn't. Temp this morning was highest ever (not that this means anything since it's happened before) at 98.88.
So I cautiously made my way to the restroom, after rummaging around for a HPT, and almost used an OPK. My bathroom cabinets look like the Family Planning aisle at Wal*Greens with all the fertility friendly lubricants, OPKs and HPTs. It's like fertility or rather infertility threw up in there.
And wouldn't you know it a very faint line showed up! I seriously could not believe it! I was in complete awe. I kept on looking at it in different types of light. I even held it up in front of the mirror like I do with my OPKs. (My motto is if it shows up in the mirror and a decent distance away it's positive!)
I ran to my sleeping husband and shoved it in his half-asleep face, to which he said, "That's great honey!" Poor thing had to wake up to a pee stick shoved in his face. Oh well not like the cap wasn't on.
Then it was off to work unfortunately but a happy day it was :) We celebrated tonight by going out to sushi...although I didn't have anything raw. Just a veggie roll and a cooked shrimp roll for me...although I would gladly give up anything for a healthy pregnancy!
I know this takes me now to the next phase...which could be even more worrisome than the last phase (if that's even possible). Now the big test...can I take it to term. I know this is just the start of another episode of my journey...a journey that I hope lasts nine months. But for this week and this week only I'm going to let myself be the carefree pregnant woman I think I deserve to be. This week I'm vowing not to think of birth defects, and missed miscarriages...this week it's all about healthy normal pregnancies...because everyone deserves at least a week of that :)
I'm working on a post too to just re-cap all the things I did the same this cycle and things I did differently just because I'm anal like that in case I need to go back and study. So stay tuned for that if anyone is interested.
I'm still feeling like this is totally a dream...
I seriously can't believe this happened this month of all months. I am beyond elated! And as my husband says, cautiously optimistic :)
For the last few days as you have known I've been in a rut and had gone into frantic mode thinking that AFs timing would be horrendous and get in the way of a trip planned to visit my dad at the beginning of the year. It really pissed me off because as you know it's a pain to plan ANYTHING when you are TTC. For months I have had to put off a wine tasting weekend because of my cycle. It's just down right depressing to be planning to not do certain things and not be pregnant. If you were to be guaranteed pregnancy then of course you would give up anything...but after giving up everything each month for months on end, it really gets to you.
Anyways, I've basically been praying every night that AF will be delayed just one more day. FF.com basically said I was due to get AF like 2 days ago and then when I passed that day it moved it on me! I was like what the hell????? Is this how it is??? I'm like the cat chasing the mouse? So I decided this morning at 15 DPO or 13 DPO according to FF.com that I would test...solely on the whole progesterone plan. I had a pep talk with myself this morning that if my temps were still high I would test (in order to know if I should call my Dr. for the progesterone prescription - more on that later) ...if they weren't I wouldn't. Temp this morning was highest ever (not that this means anything since it's happened before) at 98.88.
So I cautiously made my way to the restroom, after rummaging around for a HPT, and almost used an OPK. My bathroom cabinets look like the Family Planning aisle at Wal*Greens with all the fertility friendly lubricants, OPKs and HPTs. It's like fertility or rather infertility threw up in there.
And wouldn't you know it a very faint line showed up! I seriously could not believe it! I was in complete awe. I kept on looking at it in different types of light. I even held it up in front of the mirror like I do with my OPKs. (My motto is if it shows up in the mirror and a decent distance away it's positive!)
I ran to my sleeping husband and shoved it in his half-asleep face, to which he said, "That's great honey!" Poor thing had to wake up to a pee stick shoved in his face. Oh well not like the cap wasn't on.
Then it was off to work unfortunately but a happy day it was :) We celebrated tonight by going out to sushi...although I didn't have anything raw. Just a veggie roll and a cooked shrimp roll for me...although I would gladly give up anything for a healthy pregnancy!
I know this takes me now to the next phase...which could be even more worrisome than the last phase (if that's even possible). Now the big test...can I take it to term. I know this is just the start of another episode of my journey...a journey that I hope lasts nine months. But for this week and this week only I'm going to let myself be the carefree pregnant woman I think I deserve to be. This week I'm vowing not to think of birth defects, and missed miscarriages...this week it's all about healthy normal pregnancies...because everyone deserves at least a week of that :)
I'm working on a post too to just re-cap all the things I did the same this cycle and things I did differently just because I'm anal like that in case I need to go back and study. So stay tuned for that if anyone is interested.
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!!!!!!!!!
Holy crap!!!!!
How did this happen!!!!
I'll be back to update later tonight!
Just wanted to post this really quick!
Do you love my prop in the background? :)
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