12dpo

And this morning I believe it was a BFN..

I say "I believe" because after about 10 minutes there looked like a very slight line but honestly it's probably nothing. I seriously have to squint to see it and I have to say that by 12dpo it should be at least recognizable to the human eye. I would post a pic but I doubt you could see it.

I predict this will be business as usual...
but just in case I will test again tomorrow morning.

Thank God for those internet pee sticks.

So much for the "high" intercourse score ff.com gave me this month.

I guess I showed them.

Barely Hanging on at 11DPO

I still think this is the flu...my temp this morning was 99.84 to which my thermometer loudly did some freakish beeping action after. I felt pretty feverish so I took off the covers and cooled off for a bit and took my temp again. 99.34. Still high...highest I've ever had. This has been the weirdest cycle ever. This honestly seems like a fever type of temp not a pregnancy type of temp. Then when I went to go record it in ff.com it wouldn't take it. Literally it just ignores me and throws me to Friday. Ugh. It's probably saying...crazy woman...you're not supposed to stick the thermometer in the oven fool!

I felt a little better this morning but still felt pretty hot and dizzy and tired. So I'm home early from work blogging...err...resting I mean.

I've been reading posts on ff.com about women who tested at 7dpo (positive) and have thought about testing this afternoon...but am too chicken to do it.

I'll for sure test before Saturday night since I'm going to a S*x and the city viewing party and want to have a cosmo if I can.

I had meatloaf for lunch. I plan to have penne with meat sauce for dinner.

Greetings from 10dpo

Ugh...since this afternoon I started feeling like I was coming down with the flu. I started feeling weird after lunch. And my chicken smelled funny in my salad...so I'm wondering if now I have food poisoning. Also I don't feel really nauseous...just hot and cold at the same time, skin is crawly, headache, very tired (and I didn't even take my progesterone yet today) and a little crampy.

Also not a speck more of blood...just that one speck. What the hell?

My temp spiked up a little this morning but I'm telling myself that it was probably the start of the flu. Kay said it best, it's hard to hope and hard to not. I go from hour to hour changing my mind.

Ff.com says to test on Saturday. I think, I might make it to Friday and then test. That is if I don't get AF before that. But knowing my luck the progesterone will take care of that and prolong the agony.

I think I'll go have a beef Popsicle now....and then go for a nap...until Friday.

Now Where Did I Put That Damn Time Machine...

Because that's what I really feel like doing...just warp speeding into the future to know when the hell I'll be pregnant again. Although this is only my 2nd month trying (well 8th if you count the other times before the other pregnancies) it's going so friggen slow.

So here's where I'm at right now.

So far I've really felt nothing. Seriously, nothing...zip...zero. Not even the twingy twinges that I've felt before. Every so often my breasts will be lightly sensitive but that's most likely due to the prometri*m. I get cramps on occasion but again I don't know if it's a pregnancy, implantation or just the drugs I'm on. This medicated hormone thing sucks....how's a girl supposed to obsess logically for crying out loud?

My temps have been up but not crazy up like they usually are when I get pregnant. And at 9do I have yet to see any type of dip. I guess I had a slight spike but like I said not even close to what it usually is.

And because of this I've been so friggen irritated. Yesterday I blamed mr. sushi nut for ruining my 3 day weekend. Long story. Which brings me to the tears situation. Over the weekend I had more breakdowns than I can count. What the hell? What's with the water works and sensitivity issues. Let me guess? Another gift of progesterone?

Not to mention I think my body is taking things into it's own hands and has me on this crazy meat kick. I actually sat down and had a whole steak this weekend. I insisted mr. sushinut make it for me. Oh and then by the way yelled at him for cooking it too long. WTF? I can't tell you when the last time I ate a whole steak. I rarely eat beef at all. Maybe meat like 3 times a week...tops. And today, I couldn't wait to have a hamburger for lunch. I've come to the conclusion that my body realizes that I've been taking aspirin again and will lose my body weight in blood again no doubt, and is trying to get in as much nutrients now.

And then this morning I see it...one drop of light red blood on tissue. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? I think. I never spot in the middle of a cycle...I only spot when I'm pregnant...and LOSING the child. This is rather early...hmmm...and could it be coincidence around implantation time? Yeah right.

I can't believe it but now it's gotten to me and the naive hopefulness that will no doubt come crashing down by 13dpo has set in. Damn, damn, damn.

Only 5 more days to go until this is over.

Hmmm I think I'll eat a bunch of rib eye while I wait...

Another Day, Another Dollar...Another 2 Week Wait

3 DPO...

I've got medrol and prometrium chilling on ice...

Bring it.

The Dreaded Mother's Day Behind Me

Oh what a relief to wake this morning with the dreaded "Mother's Day" behind me. Last year at this time we had cleverly wrapped up two silver frames (one for each mom) with a copy of my ultrasound picture in each one with the title "coming December '07". Because after all when you hear the heart beat you are pretty much free and clear right? Right? One would think.

And so I had heard the heart beat at my 7 week appt. and thought...we've got to be safe to at least tell the parents...nothing crazy like the boss or random strangers out there but at least the parents. Right?

Uh no such luck. It was later calculated that the baby's heartbeat stopped at about 7.5 weeks. Ironically just about the same time we told our parents the exciting news.

A bitter sweet mother's day you could say...

Hopefully there is a better one coming my way next year...

Surfing the Crimson Wave...

So yesterday I had a very very unusual day in regards to my crimson wave, aka AF. Per my RE nurse (by the way my RE is on vacation til 5/20, I guess it's a good thing I didn't get a BFP this month...it would only cause more stress) I was to stop everything except prenatals now that AF came and that's including my aspirin. Now as we all know aspirin causes more bleeding but little was I aware, how much this was.

All yesterday was an extremely heavy AF day and well uh let's just say that by the last few hours of the day at work something happened that NEVER happened to me before. Suddenly I felt a little umm "wet" down there and so I thought I had another "wave" come in since that's how things had been humming along. But how horrified was I when I got to the bathroom and before I even took down my pants I saw that my whole front of my crotch area in my light tan pants were covered with blood! A lot of blood! I wasn't really having any cramps at that point but it was a little scary and quite embarrassing. Luckily I don't think anyone really noticed while I was walking to the restroom since I was wearing (thank God) a sort of blazer jacket but if I hadn't adjusted it correctly and not gotten to the bathroom when I had it could have caused some horrified looks no doubt.

I had no idea really what to do except button up my jacket and haul ass back to my office and stay there until everyone left.

I exited the office as soon as the coast was clear holding a binder in front of me as I swiftly got to my car.

What the hell? Blood was just gushing out of me! It was seriously freaky. Luckily I made it home and changed.

I told mr. sushinut about it and he said that it usually takes about 7 days to wean your body off aspirin to avoid increased bleeding; so basically however long it takes to get pregnant, I'll be surfing this literal crimson wave each time, since I obviously can't stop taking my aspirin until I know for a fact I'm not pregnant and by then AF has shown up. At least now I know to invest in the mother of all super night time control pads for days with long meetings. Geez! By the way Newt at Dear Gherkin came up with an ingenious idea about knicker alerts for when spotting occurs for the pregnant woman...hell this would have come in handy for me yesterday! If anything it might have saved a good pair of work pants.

So just to make all you preggos feel better...my cinco de mayo was not so bien if you know what I mean...there was no margarita(s) for me, which might have been a good thing since my 3 day diet surely would frown upon all those empty calories. But tomorrow is day 3 and so Thursday and Friday I am free and clear! For me...I'll be celebrating Cinco de ocho. Cheers! :)