2 Years and Counting...

Two years ago tonight I attempted to fall asleep the night before my long, hard road of fertility was to end and prepared to delivery my precious boy/girl twins at the multiples full term of 37 weeks.

Two years ago tonight I tossed and turned with one main thought in mind to GET THEM OUT! I had grown so uncomfortable with these two very active little ones constantly moving and groving in my belly. Although the thought of two actual live babies still seemed like an unachievable dream, I could not wait to meet them. "I'll believe it when I see it", I thought. And so they were born the next morning at 7am one by one with baby bird screams into the bustling operating room. The next few days and months were blurs of sleep deprivation and learning how to handle not just one but two newborns. And now 2 years later I feel a deep sense of achievement of not only getting through those first months and year...but coming out on the other end of infertility successfully.

Happy birthday my little sushi nuggets! You are the most precious gift I could ever have dreamed of and the hardest things I've ever worked at creating. I love you with all my heart...may you grow strong and thrive for years to come :)

Mama

To Mothers and Future Moms...

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there and a special hug to all those whose mothers have passed on, to those who want nothing more in life than to become a mother and are struggling to achieve their dream, and to those mothers who have empty arms ... it can be a difficult day for those who have suffered loss, and my heart goes out to you today.

Best wishes on this special day....

Busy Busy Busy...6 months

I'm sad to see that I'm barely keeping up with my once a month blogging but the days just seem to be slipping away. The nuggets are already 6 months old! I can't even believe where the time has gone. Girl nugget can already roll both ways and boy nugget is up to rolling one way. They are both growing so big and are just the best things ever! Even mr. sushinut who has been in constant "get it done" Dad mode has been commenting on how much he misses them when he's at work and how adorable they are.

So what have I been up to? Well both everything and nothing I suppose. I have been back at work for about a month now. Which is challenging but nice all at once. Daycare seemed to be a smooth transition because I started transitioning them during the end of my leave which was a wise idea for me I think. On top of taking care of the twin nuggets we've been vivaciously searching for a house, which we desperately need now that the nuggets are on the move. Our townhouse (even though fairly big) is just not big enough for us anymore and we are eagerly looking to move to a place with a backyard. So needless to say with nugget management, house hunting and work, my time blogging has suffered. On the brighter side the nuggets are finally practically sleeping through the night with only a night time feeding a couple times a week. That's right!...there are some nights where we don't have to get up at all and they sleep all the way through. I thought I'd never get here.

Well I need to bolt for now but will try to post again soon. Wish us luck...we are waiting to hear back on a house we bid on last week!

Bye for now...

Happy Anniversary to us!

Four years ago this morning, my husband and I married at the top of a breath taking bluff overlooking the ocean in Maui, Hawaii. The day was clear and sunny with just a few clouds in the sky with the warm Hawaii breezes just slightly blowing.

I remember wondering, as I listened to the pastor ask us to repeat our vows, what our challenges and joys would be in the years to come. Infertility would certainly not have been at the top of my list. But I can easily say it has been one of the greatest bumps in the road that mr. sushinut and I have weathered together in our marriage.

Although this year there will most likely not be a romantic dinner for two nor a weekend away, I am forever grateful for the reason why not. This year we celebrate as a family...us plus two more little ones that have been in the plans a long time coming.

It's better than any romantic getaway ever! Happy Anniversary Mr. Sushinut! Thank you for being the best husband and dad ever! Here's to many more years!

The Summer of Nuggets

Tomorrow starts the last week of my maternity leave before I go back to work. I am so completely sad. I really didn't think I would ever say that but I am. If you would have asked me if I would feel this way a few months ago I would have told you I was crazy. I would have given anything to be able to get out into the real world and done anything non-baby. Not that I didn't love my babies it was just a bit much being with them 24/7. But now that they've grown and are becoming so much more verbal and active and less reliant on me on a minute to minute basis I miss them. I know I'm not cut out to be a stay at home mom...nor can I afford to be one. But looking back at these four months brings a lot of wonderful memories. Memories that I'm positive I will never forget. I knew this going in...I would tell myself...this is the only time I'm ever going to be able to spend at home with them when they are this little. And I truly tried to relish it but it doesn't make this next week any easier.

They are still transitioning into daycare and have done so wonderfully. Because I've done it slowly all month long they love their daycare. Quite honestly I think they are bored when I keep them at home. So I've been sending them for 4 days a week these last 2 weeks so that they can have fun and that I can get things done. But I miss them so much. On the one day they stay home we do fun things like go to the neighborhood gardens or if it's too hot go to visit an indoor mall. They love getting out and seeing all the people and getting attention. And at the gardens they love just spreading out on the grass (see picture above).

To be honest I don't even know if I would be cut out to be a stay at home mom. I've found that because I am going back to work I've found myself in a sort of strange type of place with other moms. Other moms that work are basically back at work...and stay at home moms have already started forming their own play groups. But most that I know especially in my twins club tend to forget about me because I'm going back to work soon and so maybe they feel it's a waste of time to get to know me. I've tried to invite them to outings that I take the nuggets to but they often have their own plans and invite me but in all honestly it sounds not as quite as exciting as what I had planned so I go my own way. And the nuggets and I have a nice day to ourselves.

On another note in regards to friends I've had a weird sort of experience with all of my old non-parent friends. Most assumed I would never be heard from again after my twins were born but I've made a conscience effort to reach out to them over and over to do things and they either aren't available or don't get back to me. And it's not like I'm one of those moms who's constantly talking about their kids. I make it a point to basically only ask them questions about what is going on in their lives. It's just so irritating. I guess maybe everyone has their own reason. So my non parent friends are not available...doing their own thing, the new mom friends have joined their own groups and I'm left sort of in this twilight zone between being at home with my nuggets and waiting to get back to work. It's quite a weird place to be I tell you. So I'm thinking going back to work may not be such a bad idea.

My to do list is a mile long this coming week. I have no idea how I'll get through it. And to top it all off I'm so incredibly torn with sending the nuggets to day care to get it done or to keep them home more this week to spend time with them. It's just a really hard transition for me...as I'm assuming it is for all moms. Sigh. So for now I'm trying to dearly hang on to all those wonderful new baby memories. The weeks just after they got home from the hospital when everything was new for them and for us. As well as look forward to all that will be coming up with them. I know there will be big changes for us all next year and am so looking forward to them but for now I am fondly remembering these first quiet summer days of just me and the nuggets.

Operation Hair

So since my last post I've been doing some intense post pregnancy hair loss research (after all I no longer have infertility to research so I've got to have something to obsess about) and as with infertility I'm sure I've over done things.

I've heard that there may or may not be some vitamins that can help with lacking nutrients in one's diet that could cause increased hair loss. And so like everything infertility-wise I've gone compulsive as well.

This weekend in addition to my usual prenatals, which I'm still taking I've added some biotin (supposedly makes the hair grow) along with some MSM (never heard of this before but apparently when paired with Biotin it's some super growing solution, along with some Vitamin E (for a shiny "coat"), along with some extra iron (supposedly a lack of iron in the diet of some women post pregnancy can really make shedding extreme - and lord knows I've lost my share of blood with the forever on going bleeding for months), and last but not least tossed in some Vitamin C to boot (which supposedly increases growth as well). I held off on the protein and milk thistle (which is supposed to work in conjunction with the protein) but who knows...next week I may be adding that as well.

Too much do you think?

Ummm yeah I figured so...but I'm giving it all I got. I figure either this intense shedding will stop or I'll have the healthiest, glossiest hair (and yes I do mean just one hair) on my head that anyone's ever seen. I'm sure the wig store will be in awe when they see it.

I found all suggestions (and sympathetic messages) a great deal of help. Thank you. And I'll probably go for that super great cut some day. But right now I'm so in fear that if I go to any salon they'll just butcher my hair by combing it and having it all fall out. Right now I comb it ever so gently in hopes that I don't lose as much (which of course does not make for a neat style. For not only is my hair falling out but it's also turned insanely curly and frizzy. I have hair that's a cross between a rat's nest and an Afro ... lovely. I love when I'm pushing along my double stroller with the nuggets because at least people (well most) will think ... oh yes she was just pregnant so she's losing all her hair because of that...but when I'm without them I just look like some woman going bald. I wish I could take them everywhere!

The other plan of attack is to call my ob and beg for some estrogen. Not sure how that exactly works but I've heard that in some cases when the body is trying to correct it's self a hormone deficiency happens and that is why some women lose more hair than others. I read about one woman who had an ob that prescribed estrogen to correct this. So we'll see what my ob says. Hopefully she won't shoot me down.

As I mentioned to A at Infertility Bites I feel like such a heel talking about this trivial matter when there's so many other women out there dealing with much more important matters but I guess that's what a blog is for to post about what ever you're dealing with at the moment.

At least I'm getting a tad more sleep. The nuggets are sleeping between 4-5 hours a shift a night! That's like pure bliss I tell you. I am completely grateful. Now if I can please have my hair back damn it... and I swear I won't complain about a single thing...well not until teething starts at least.

Bad Hair Day

(Fair warning - this post is rather shallow)

So with all this baby talk I've really not touched on how I'M doing following this successful pregnancy. I'm so happy that thankfully (knock on wood) all is fine with my nuggets and they are growing and thriving. As for me I've been blessed with the ability to easily go down about 15 pounds less than my pre-pregnancy weight. Of course what you call "pre pregnancy weight" is questionable. Was that this pregnancy? Or the last 4? Friends and people that know me have noticed. "Wow, you've really lost a lot of weight. Seriously... a lot" they say. All I say is yes thanks. I mean I'm still no skinny minnie to say the least since I'm still over weight. But it was nice to lose all that so quickly. I couldn't believe my own eyes when they weighed me at my first post op appt. But low and behold I had lost 30 pounds already. Whoo hoo! Also all my swelling has gone down and my foot issues have all disappeared thankfully. But now a new issue. I knew this could happen but I guess it's so surprising how quickly it started and is increasing. I'm losing my hair...I mean A LOT of hair. I know it's all just extra hair that grew and didn't fall blah blah blah blah. But seriously...with my borderline lupus issue I already had thin hair to begin with. If this continues I just may be bald. I mean I've heard of wash and go hair styles but this is ridiculous! My hair is rather long but I really can't cut it short like some women because of this really retarded bell shape my hair falls into. I had the "Dorthy H@mel" cut for years as a kid and trust me it did nothing for me. I'm continuing my prenatal vitamins and even including extra iron since I had been bleeding for such a long time (more on that fabulous topic some other time). But still to no avail every morning I lose more and more.

So my question to all of you moms who have gone through this is how long does this process take? And when will it stop???? I know there are bigger things to worry about and hate to seem shallow but seriously it's so depressing. I go back to work in 3 weeks and am afraid to even get my hair colored in fear that the chemicals will just make the remaining hair fall out! Eeek! Any advice would be greatly appreciated.