Hopes & Fears

I always found it ironic that in tarot cards there is a "Hopes & Fears" card. I always wondered what would constitute both a hope and a fear at the same time? It seemed odd that these would be paired together. I simply sumed it up as possibly hoping for change but at the same time fearful of change?

I think for the first time now I finally realize EXACTLY what this card represents. Deciding on taking that first step to see an RE, made me realize that both hope and fear have engulfed me with this decision. Hope has always been there throughout the last year and this year too but now it's gotten a lot more complicated to say the least. At the same time I've realized that in addition I've adopted so many additional fears. Fearful that I'll find out that something is truly wrong, yet hopeful that I'll find out what is truly wrong... and for that matter fearful I won't find out what is truly wrong. Fear that I'll need to do IVF...and fear that IVF won't help me. Fear of having multiples that will truly be a burden financially and physically and fear of not being able to have a child at all...or even the option of a second child (did I just say that? Let's just focus on one at this time geez).

Anyhow millions of thoughts going on at this time and only time will tell what will happen.

So where I am now? We have officially decided on a RE. (Drum roll please - although you might have predicted which way I was leaning already)...and the winner is!...Dr. Frozen Embryo. Time will only tell if I've made the right decision or not but fingers crossed all will turn out right. Whatever that might mean. So here I go off to the wonderful world of ART. First appt. is a week from today on 2/7.