Mini Melt Down #1 of Due Date Month

Well the week of my delivery date is almost here and so I am in the midst of my mini meltdown #1. Earlier today we went to see a movie - a comedy, which I could barely pay attention to and then came home for dinner. The hubby made himself dinner; I said I just wanted to take a nap and went upstairs trying to get warm. I just really would love to go to sleep and wake up on Jan. 2nd. He woke me up at 8p to get me to eat and without really anything in the house to eat my mini melt began. He asked why I was crying and what was wrong so I spilled it...reminding him that my due date was next week and I just can't take it. He wanted to make me feel better by taking me out to sushi but I just don't want to go out, which is crazy because as my name says sushi will always make things better for me. But I just want to sleep. My house is a mess, which shows there is something wrong because I'm a clean nut and I just want to sleep.

Meanwhile hubby is out desperately trying to get me a salad that I said I would eat, at the local whole foods. Anything to make me stop crying I guess. I really wish I hadn't told him why I was sad because I'm sure he is sad now. But I just couldn't keep him from thinking that I was nuts by crying all next week for nothing.

It's Saturday night and as I told hubby on our way home from the movie, I wish we had a holiday party that we were going to or throwing. Although I did not say it I wish I did so I'd have something to get my mind off things. But instead I'm sitting home alone on a Saturday night just thinking about that looming date. And all the lights and Christmas decorations on the neighboring lawns just seem to make things worse.

Not to mention I am desperately worried that Jan. timing will be completely messed with a trip I planned to visit my dad. The hubby is not going and if AF comes too soon I may be cross country during the exact time I ovulate next month. And it just breaks my heart...because I had hopes that Jan. would hopefully be my month.