And Here We Are Again...Monday

I remember back when I was like 7 and thinking that time could not possibly move any slower. And then (like everyone else does) thinking back in my 20's that I couldn't even possibly make time stop from flying by!
I must be in the infertility black hole of time...the 2nd chance of having time stand still because that's how I feel these days. I guess I should be happy that I'm in my 30's ...prime of life and literally time is completely standing still. God I just remembered that this coming spring I will be 37. That's practically 40. Okay so now time did just fly. Is it possibly that the months are just dragging by but the years are flying? hmmmm.

Anyways, another monday another dollar I suppose. I spent a good portion of the morning in my office searching for the perfect ring tone songs to attach to both my boss and my mother's numbers on my cell phone. Productive eh? I came up with 2 that I'm quite fond of. I settled on the looming darth vador song for my mother from Star Wars (which my husband found hysterical, when I played it for him at home)...you know Dum dum da dum da dum ...oh forget it...hopefully you know which one it is.

And the second one I thought was super appropriate for my Devil Wears Talbot boss (hopefully you get the picture) The wicked witch of the west song from Wizard of Oz. Gotta love that one. I figure this was pretty safe since she wouldn't ever be calling me and hearing the tone at the same time. Same with my mother, although I probably wouldn't care if she knew.

So this took me to about noon, and the rest is pretty much filler.
But I did skip over a very important task early this morning and that was to leave a message with my OB/GYN. I decided late last night, as it slowly dawned on me, as I sat and studied my charts, that my cycles are growing increasingly shorter. I've gone from 36 days right after my D&C, to 30 days, to 29 days to 28 days and this last one was 25 days. What the hell? Now grant it I of course have no idea what my cycles were before I started TTC because my life was full of well...life if you will and not tracking friggen mucus and menstruation and temping all the time, but that's besides the point. But I'm thinking I would have noticed if they were 25 friggen days. I mean I think I did ovulate around day 12...I THINK so that would have made an okay luteal phase right? (the fact that I even know what a friggen luteal phase scares me ... what a tangles web I've weaved) but if by chance I did ovulate later that would be cutting it obviously close.
So anyhow I decided in a moment of panic last night that I would call my doctor first thing this morning and all embarrassment aside would confess to her my dwindling cycles before my luteal phase is literally down the toilet. And let her decide whether to be concerned or not. Luckily I have such a great doctor's office. I mean even though she's incredibly busy they try to accommodate and not make you think like you're losing it. When I talked to the nurse today I started explaining to her matter of fact about all the different lengths and that I'm a little concerned (okay a lot) and that I'd like to know the doctor's take. She explained that she would pull my chart and the doctor may not call me today but possibly tomorrow. I was happy. Now let's see if I can get through talking to my doctor without crying tomorrow. One thing I do like about her is that she's all business. She doesn't put on this mothering sympathy attitude which just breaks me. Whenever I have someone feeling sorry for me that just makes me cry even more so I think it's a good thing that she's a tough cookie. Although I guess it's from all of her experience with infertility. Somehow I ended up by pure accident picking a doctor that specializes in infertility. What are the friggen chances I tell you. So I guess that's a good thing...I guess if that's what I need.
Anyways so we'll see what the good ol' doc thinks about my dwindling cycles.
Now, just in case, I'm carrying around print outs of my cycles in my purse. How sad...I used to carry around my outlook calendar printouts in case I was called for an interview when job searching...now I'm reduced to temp grids. God what will it be next.
Speaking of... I started Operation Grapefruit Juice this evening. I'm not sure how much to drink but I figure if I rotate it with my green tea it's got to help somewhat. If you're wondering what in God's name is she talking about it's my recent findings that some say grapefruit juice helps with the CM flow. I'm not sure if I'm having issues with a cm flow but I figured can't hurt just in case.
So I'm all set for cycle 4. I've got my ovulation wands, my grapefruit juice, my decaf green tea (because green tea is good for fertility but caffeine is not), my temp charts and my prenatals. Oh yes and the official sponsor of this cycle #4 - Pre.seed...I think the only thing I'm missing is a partridge in a pear tree. I'll need to research that before we include it in our batch of tools.