Tomorrow starts the last week of my maternity leave before I go back to work. I am so completely sad. I really didn't think I would ever say that but I am. If you would have asked me if I would feel this way a few months ago I would have told you I was crazy. I would have given anything to be able to get out into the real world and done anything non-baby. Not that I didn't love my babies it was just a bit much being with them 24/7. But now that they've grown and are becoming so much more verbal and active and less reliant on me on a minute to minute basis I miss them. I know I'm not cut out to be a stay at home mom...nor can I afford to be one. But looking back at these four months brings a lot of wonderful memories. Memories that I'm positive I will never forget. I knew this going in...I would tell myself...this is the only time I'm ever going to be able to spend at home with them when they are this little. And I truly tried to relish it but it doesn't make this next week any easier.
They are still transitioning into daycare and have done so wonderfully. Because I've done it slowly all month long they love their daycare. Quite honestly I think they are bored when I keep them at home. So I've been sending them for 4 days a week these last 2 weeks so that they can have fun and that I can get things done. But I miss them so much. On the one day they stay home we do fun things like go to the neighborhood gardens or if it's too hot go to visit an indoor mall. They love getting out and seeing all the people and getting attention. And at the gardens they love just spreading out on the grass (see picture above).
To be honest I don't even know if I would be cut out to be a stay at home mom. I've found that because I am going back to work I've found myself in a sort of strange type of place with other moms. Other moms that work are basically back at work...and stay at home moms have already started forming their own play groups. But most that I know especially in my twins club tend to forget about me because I'm going back to work soon and so maybe they feel it's a waste of time to get to know me. I've tried to invite them to outings that I take the nuggets to but they often have their own plans and invite me but in all honestly it sounds not as quite as exciting as what I had planned so I go my own way. And the nuggets and I have a nice day to ourselves.
On another note in regards to friends I've had a weird sort of experience with all of my old non-parent friends. Most assumed I would never be heard from again after my twins were born but I've made a conscience effort to reach out to them over and over to do things and they either aren't available or don't get back to me. And it's not like I'm one of those moms who's constantly talking about their kids. I make it a point to basically only ask them questions about what is going on in their lives. It's just so irritating. I guess maybe everyone has their own reason. So my non parent friends are not available...doing their own thing, the new mom friends have joined their own groups and I'm left sort of in this twilight zone between being at home with my nuggets and waiting to get back to work. It's quite a weird place to be I tell you. So I'm thinking going back to work may not be such a bad idea.
My to do list is a mile long this coming week. I have no idea how I'll get through it. And to top it all off I'm so incredibly torn with sending the nuggets to day care to get it done or to keep them home more this week to spend time with them. It's just a really hard transition for me...as I'm assuming it is for all moms. Sigh. So for now I'm trying to dearly hang on to all those wonderful new baby memories. The weeks just after they got home from the hospital when everything was new for them and for us. As well as look forward to all that will be coming up with them. I know there will be big changes for us all next year and am so looking forward to them but for now I am fondly remembering these first quiet summer days of just me and the nuggets.
6 comments:
The nuggets are adorable!
As far as going back to work, don't feel guilty about doing what is best for your family. You will still get to see and enjoy the twins.
Regarding other moms, I think certain types of moms have trouble connecting with other moms. I'm still trying to figure it out.
I hope everything goes well for you this week.
Awwwww, what a sweet picture. My heart is so full thinking of you and the nuggets out for a stroll after everything you've been through. Lovely lovely lovely.
That's so great you have made such an effort to keep in touch with your friends without kids. I've had a really hard time doing that, mostly because bedtime is at seven and there's just no going out at night anymore. I hope going back to work puts you back in touch with grown-ups in a really positive way.
I'm glad the nuggets love their daycare! A good day care situation makes going back to work a million times easier. Take good care!
Total cuties. I can understand why it must be so hard to leave them!
I completely agree about some Moms making good stay at home Moms and others not so much. The babies can be happy either way, but I really think that the way that Mom is happiest is the best decision for the babies.
It's too bad that your friends aren't as supportive or in contact as much as you would like, but hopefully now that you're going back to work you'll be able to spend time with a different bunch of people who you have other things in common with, and you won't feel quite so isolated! (Are there any "working Moms" groups in your area?)
Gorgeous babies! It is so obvious that you are doing a fantastic job.
I also can relate to the friend thing. My very best friend is not married and has no kids..an attorney. She has yet to come see my little one (who just turned 7 months). I've invited her twice. Yet i see on facebook that she is going on weekend trips with her other friends. Granted, she lives two states away, but still. My feelings are unbelievably hurt. Even if she is NOT a baby person, doesn't the fact that I have one and we are friends make her required to come ooh and ahh? Ive promised limited baby talk adn still no visit. I don't have any helpful words, but I feel you pain.
Good luck making the transition back to work. I hope you'll find some other working moms (with multiples or not) that you can hang out with.
I am having very similar feelings about going back to work soon. I plan to put JAG in daycare for a few hours a day next week to see how she does. You're right that once they actually get a little self sufficient the job is so much more enjoyable and difficult to leave. But, just like you, SAHM is not my bag and I need the income!
We have that same grey Garanimals onesie - well, since we have two boys, we have two. So cute!
I was just driving downtown earlier today thinking about how I finally *get* why our friends with kids drifted away from us in the past.
It is all I can do just to make it through the evening, do a load of laundry, make dinner, run the dishwasher, and perhaps take a shower myself because the rest of the time I want to focus on the boys. So, I screen calls, turn down invitations, etc. etc. etc. So, while you are in limbo now, you will probably settle into a new pattern when you go back to work.
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