Finally...THE month

It's here, finally ... August. I never thought I'd make it here but practically a million tasks on my to do list to take my mind off the time and who would of thought, I'm here. Only 6 days to go before I can "officially" start trying. Which of course doesn't correlate with my ovulation but hey since when do the stars align for me? I could feel (I think) ovulation pain today. And if I'm going off of a 36 day cycle (my last one after the D&C was 36 days) then I should be ovulating. Is that stretching it? How many people have a 36 day cycle?

So the big question is...do I cheat and start early? Or wait until my next cycle. Here's where my planner mode comes in and my ridiculous logic. Although at this point I would be extremely happy with a boy or a girl but deep down I really really feel that a girl is in our future. And in the chinese gender prediction calendar if I conceive in Aug. it's supposed to be a girl. If I conceive in July...it's supposed to be a boy. So even if I do have the nerve to cheat, I sort of decided I'll start in Aug. Is that wrong? Why am I like this? Why do I have to plan EVERYTHING?

And then I start thinking who am I to think that I'm actually going to get pregnant this time around. Just because I'm trying doesn't mean anythings going to happen. The "what ifs" come flying in and then I just go into sheer panic thinking that it doesn't matter what month it is or what I have just go ahead and try as soon as you possibly can!!!!! Ugh. I wander between overplanning control freak and sheer fear of disappointment. Then there's the part of me who basically thinks... "the doctor said wait 2 months" 2 months exactly (I tried to ask if she meant 2 cycles and she just kept on repeating 2 MONTHS...like she's been thru this before with others who tried to wiggle there way to 2 months.) Now does she mean 2 months of 30 days? or 31 days? Or Feb. which would be 28 days? See this is what I do.... I chose 30 days because it's pretty much the norm. Although if I start trying tomorrow it will be more like 25 days. 25 days will be like 1 month 3 weeks. Hey that's almost 2 months right? ... right? ugh. I'm going to the fridge to drink the rest of the almond champagne...hopefully I won't be able to drink it later in the month so I better load up now.

Tomorrow I'll post my vacation pictures. Maybe that will get my mind off ovulating...or not...cheating...or not.