13 Weeks 6 Days

So much to comment on...I'll section it off...


National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day: Last night when I came home from work at 7p I lit a candle for my 4 little previous nuggets and all the other lost nuggets out there. I said a silent prayer. There is so much loss that we experience that I just can't fathom how many people are affected. With every day I feel a little closer to having a healthy pregnancy yet my losses are still so etched in my heart and head that I know I will never forget them, and nor do I want to. To all the women out there who are currently not pregnant and grieving over their losses may they soon be blessed with a live healthy pregnancy.

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On the plus side of things (and I do mean plus size): I'm not surprised that I've been growing in gerth a bit since my nausea has diminished a bit over the recent weeks and I've been found to cram things in my mouth on a constant basis. Last weigh in showed a 5 pound loss since I first started with the pregnancy (nice I couldn't even lose 5 pounds dieting before without being pregnant) which I'm sure I've gained back and more. The problem is my clothes situation. See at work I'm still under operation keep it under wraps. And in my naive grasping for hope pea brain I'm praying that I can get through til my amnio without saying anything to anyone. Fat chance. People are staring ... or so I believe...I mean maybe it's my constant paranoia but I feel the glances towards my middle. Luckily it's frigid cold in my office and building and no one questions when I where a jacket or thick sweater even though it's still in the 90's here in CA. Hello! Can't the "weather" kick in already? I have 3 more weeks approximately until my amnio. Do you think I'll make it? I'll post some pics for you to decide. I'm thinking I'm screwed. Personally I keep telling my close friends that I want to do the "knocked up" thing (movie) and just say "what baby?" even at 9 months. I think that would be hilarious. What would not be hilarious would be having to tell everyone that I'm pregnant and then lose the pregnancy due to the amnio. That would seriously kill me.

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On the not so bright side of things: I was so happy to see that Ms. Planner came by my blog and reminded me of her experience with genetic testing. I follow her blog closely and forgot completely about that part of her pregnancy. I went back and read some of her posts and found them so comforting and strengthening. Reminding myself the reason why I've always wanted an amnio in the first place and acknowledging that it's pure free (and rightly so) that is making me sway. If anyone is going through the same struggle I am, please read the following post. It will definitely make you think twice.
http://msplanner.blogspot.com/2007/11/melt-down.html

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14 Week ultrasound tomorrow:
And so tomorrow is another ultrasound and the saga continues...will there be two heart beats? Will there be any heart beats? I'm going to hound her more like a mad man and make her answer more questions about the amnio and my chances (even though I know that only the amnio will give me real answers) I want to know more about the triple screen tests and if I can take those as well...knowing full well that they may give me the same poor results.